Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Beauty and The Beast

Wuntsa ponna time, there was a beautiful girl named Beauty. Somehow, it was an effort for her to live up to the name. She had to get her hair colored every other month, which cost a small fortune. She had to watch what she ate so they wouldn't call her "Beauty and the Feast." She bought mascara in bulk and and owned stock in lipstick companies. Finally, she had to hire a personal trainer, which was another small fortune.

They called her personal trainer "The Beast." Beauty showed up at his gym early in the morning. Personally, I think mornings are horrible and have a strange allergy to them, but some people like them. The Beast never goes to bed.

"Good morning, Beastie Boy," said Beauty, as enthusiastically as she could.

"If you're talking, you're not working hard enough," said The Beast.

"But my session hasn't formally started yet, Beast," she answered.

"Doesn't matter! Quiet! Or I will keep you in this gym forever," he shouted. A horrible fate that would be, so she shut right up.

She ran on the treadmill. She did crunches. She did leg lifts. She bench pressed her body weight. She rowed into the next city and spinned until the dust turned into gold. Her abs, gluts, lats, and quads were burning. She was trapped. She couldn't muster the strength to crawl out of the gym. She was his prisoner. "Please, Beast. Let me free," she begged.

"Only if you promise to return," he answered in his raspy voice.

"I give you my word." She finally returned home. The next day she forgot about The Beast except for her aching muscles. She forgot about him until she had a dream about him and the squats he made her do because he cared for her. She awakened from her dream in a sweat and realized it was just a leg cramp causing her to have the strange dreams.

She thought of living up to the name of Beauty. "I can't stop now," she thought. "It's like having the name Joy and being full of melancholy. It's like being named Lucky and having no luck. It's like being named Angel and being sinful. I need The Beast now more than ever."

She returned to the gym prepared to give her soul to The Beast. He was happy for her return and said, "A wicked witch put a curse on me and I'm not really a beast, but a really nice guy. I like cheesecake, too." This sealed the deal and they were married and lived happily ever after in moderation.


mom to Elijah said...

Girl....we are going to have to get you working full time....you have too much time on your hands....lol. Keep it up.....LOVE It and it makes me laugh at work!!

Krista said...

I AM working full-time! And then I'm busy being mom, etc. I wish I had more time on my hands for fun. :-( I take the late night (after Mimi goes to bed) for myself!