Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Dash Ain't Silent

There's a story about a girl who was enrolled in school whose name was Le-a. No one could figure out if it was pronounced "Lee-ah", "Lay-ah" or "Lee-ay." When they asked the mom she said it was pronounced "Ledasha. Because the dash ain't silent."

I looked myself up on a network of blogs it said my last blog entry was titled " - ". Just a dash. I didn't remember using that as a title and then remembered I didn't title my last entry, which was just a Post-it saying, "Happy Australia Day, Mates." None of my Aussie friends or rellies even replied to that, so next year - no Post-it for you! I'm sure they were all busy at the beach, having barbies, fighting off mozzies and having a great sunny avo.

We had a lovely Australia Day with snow on the ground which is typical this time of year. But we did go out to dinner to celebrate. Any excuse for celebration.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Deal Breakers - a Meme

SupahMommy posted this meme so here goes:

Five relationship deal breakers (friend, family, in-laws, etc.)

1. Reciprocate. That means if I invite you to my house for dinner, call you to chat or invite you to a Tupperware party and you can't make it - it's your turn. But don't not come to my Tupperware party and expect me to come to yours, 'cause that is so rude. And if I came to your Tupperware party and bought something and booked a party off of yours you are obliged to come to mine and help me get my freakin' free stuff. True friends help you get freakin' free stuff! I do not invest in one-sided friendships. Actually, what I really mean is you need to call me once in awhile and instigate activities.

2. You must not be offended by potty talk. I don't know why but I find gross things funny. Except spit. I don't like someone else's saliva touching me. Not purposely or accidently. If you spit when you talk - the deal is off. Or snot. I don't like that either. My brother had a friend when he was in 3rd grade that had a perma-booger. I've never forgotten him. His name is Bubba Rogers. More like Hubba Bubba cause he always had a lime green bubble in his nostril. But you must be able to talk about it and dry heave together. And you must think anatomy is funny, too. Butts and boobs. Funny stuff.

3. You cannot be offended by burps. If you are, then you won't like me. We all have our talents and once in awhile mine comes up. I have a philosophy: "Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?" FYI, I never have flatulence. Some people think they are one and the same. They are not. One is air expelled from your stomach and the other is from your bowel. They are different and if you think they are not then I want to see you eat lunch with your bottom.

4. You must not be cuter than me. I don't usually find many people who can break this deal. You're safe.

5. You must think I am funny. You can be funnier than me, but you must think I am funny. Laughing with friends is the absolute best. Usually when I laugh, that is your cue to laugh. I know, it's pathetic that I laugh at my own jokes. It's more pathetic when I am the only one laughing at my own jokes. If you don't laugh - that's a deal breaker.

Well, that's it for my deal breakers. I could go on and on, but that's a good start. I don't want to ruin it for any potential friends. I'm really not that high maintenance. It's not like I expect you to remember my birthday (next month) or lavish me with gifts (I like pink & chocolate & hate knick knacks).

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Things You Wish You Didn't Know

Don't you hate it when you know certain things and you wish you didn't know them? Like I wish a certain person hadn't told me their self-righteous, angel-faced spouse had two affairs. I hate that kind of information. Because what do you do with that information? It's like you kinda want to tell others but you know you shouldn't because then they have the information stuck in their head and they wish they didn't.

Like in high school when I learned in Science that Jello was made out of bones. It was kind of exciting to have that kind of information but you wish you didn't have it at the same time. So I decided to share this great tidbit at lunch when there was a nice square of Jello with a dob of whipped cream on the top.

Krista, age 16: "Do you know what Jello is really made of?"

Maureen, age 17, as she drops her utensils, throws her head back in disgust and immediately stops chewing her food: "Do you know how long it took me to forget that?"

Guess who had two servings of Jello that day? I actually don't eat gelatin very often and when I do I always think of bones.

Here's a love/hate scenario: I LOVE chocolate. Chocolate cake, chocolate

cookies, chocolate cheesecake, chocolate candy.

Okay, focus here. Focus.

I HATE bugs. Which is one reason I didn't do Australia well. Which is why I have to share this picture of my second cousin once removed-in-law with a very spooky critter on his head. I can barely look at this photo. Which is why I made the picture small. Back to bugs. When I lived in Australia I was seeing a Naturopath and she gave me an article she though would cure my addiction to chocolate.
This is the part where you may want to push "Next Blog" at the top of the page. Well....er....uh
....I even googled to confirm this information since it was over ten years old. I'll just tell you and then you will have to decide what to do with this information. It is apparently impossible to prevent cockroaches from contaminating the vats in which chocolate is manufactured. The FDA says that up to 4% by weight may legitimately contain "cockroach parts." People that have allergies to chocolate are usually allergic to the cockroach content. Some people experience allergic reactions such as asthma, headache, heartburn, rectal itching, hives, skin rashes. Did you just read over "rectal itching" like it was nothing? "Excuse me, I just had a Hershey bar and I gotta go scratch my butt." Like, how do you figure these things out? What kind of research study groups figure that out? How do you know it wasn't just a coincidence? Maybe the testers had a diet of nothing but chocolate for two weeks and were scootin' around like dogs with worms.
So, I've had this information for years and like bones are to gelatin, cockroaches are to chocolate. I have a slight allergic reaction to chocolate - when I eat too much it makes my butt swell. And it still hasn't stopped me from eating it. But if you are cured, please tell!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Guess What I Found?

Not my sanity, but thanks for asking. Some things are better lost. I'm at home sick from work today. Not sick of work, I love it there. It's just that I answer the phones and I have absolutely no voice - barely a squeak and I have a coughing fit about every two minutes. I'm sure as much as they miss me at work, they are glad they aren't going to catch my germs. I wanted to post a picture to describe how ugly I looked this morning after coughing the entire night:

I hate getting photos taken when I don't have my make up on.
What the heck is that anyway? A dog-rat mixed with a demon?
I think I may have coughed that up, actually.

I've been spending some spare time on Facebook, catching up with old friends. A lot of people have been posting pictures from long ago calling it "Way Back Week." So I just had to post this picture from third grade. This is when my nickname was "Bucky Beaver". It's kind of sad, really, that and yellow has never been my color. Nothing like a homemade haircut ala Mom! What can I say? I had to fight the boys off from an early age.

So, back to what I found besides old photos. I decided to check out some other people's blogs by clicking on the "Next Blog" button at the top of the screen. There were some very interesting blogs, some cute blogs, some family oriented blogs and even a couple of spooky blogs. I FOUND I had something in common with almost all of them: I haven't been overly consistent in keeping up my blog. Almost all of them had an apology for not writing before their most recent entry. I thought it was just me having Blogger's block. The truth is sometimes you just don't have time or anything blog worthy.
We can just hope that the future looks better.