Things You Wish You Didn't Know

Don't you hate it when you know certain things and you wish you didn't know them? Like I wish a certain person hadn't told me their self-righteous, angel-faced spouse had two affairs. I hate that kind of information. Because what do you do with that information? It's like you kinda want to tell others but you know you shouldn't because then they have the information stuck in their head and they wish they didn't.

Like in high school when I learned in Science that Jello was made out of bones. It was kind of exciting to have that kind of information but you wish you didn't have it at the same time. So I decided to share this great tidbit at lunch when there was a nice square of Jello with a dob of whipped cream on the top.

Krista, age 16: "Do you know what Jello is really made of?"

Maureen, age 17, as she drops her utensils, throws her head back in disgust and immediately stops chewing her food: "Do you know how long it took me to forget that?"

Guess who had two servings of Jello that day? I actually don't eat gelatin very often and when I do I always think of bones.

Here's a love/hate scenario: I LOVE chocolate. Chocolate cake, chocolate

cookies, chocolate cheesecake, chocolate candy.

Okay, focus here. Focus.

I HATE bugs. Which is one reason I didn't do Australia well. Which is why I have to share this picture of my second cousin once removed-in-law with a very spooky critter on his head. I can barely look at this photo. Which is why I made the picture small. Back to bugs. When I lived in Australia I was seeing a Naturopath and she gave me an article she though would cure my addiction to chocolate.

This is the part where you may want to push "Next Blog" at the top of the page. Well....er....uh

....I even googled to confirm this information since it was over ten years old. I'll just tell you and then you will have to decide what to do with this information. It is apparently impossible to prevent cockroaches from contaminating the vats in which chocolate is manufactured. The FDA says that up to 4% by weight may legitimately contain "cockroach parts." People that have allergies to chocolate are usually allergic to the cockroach content. Some people experience allergic reactions such as asthma, headache, heartburn, rectal itching, hives, skin rashes. Did you just read over "rectal itching" like it was nothing? "Excuse me, I just had a Hershey bar and I gotta go scratch my butt." Like, how do you figure these things out? What kind of research study groups figure that out? How do you know it wasn't just a coincidence? Maybe the testers had a diet of nothing but chocolate for two weeks and were scootin' around like dogs with worms.

Shudder.

So, I've had this information for years and like bones are to gelatin, cockroaches are to chocolate. I have a slight allergic reaction to chocolate - when I eat too much it makes my butt swell. And it still hasn't stopped me from eating it. But if you are cured, please tell!

Duh!

Today I was looking over Mimi's school work and at the bottom of a math page was this question: What digit is in the ten thousands place in the number six hundred three thousand, twenty-one. Explain how you found your answer. Her explanation: "I looked at the numbers and thought." Her answer was marked wrong by the teacher. But of course, I found it especially funny.

I'm wondering myself what is the correct answer. I know it's zero, but how do you explain it without sounding like an idiot. "Because it's in the ten thousands place?" Then you would be repeating the question. Wouldn't that be silly? Now I'm thinking Mimi's answer wasn't so bad. "I used my brain and I'm just a little smarter than the average bear." "Why do you need an explanation?" "Because in the number 603,021 a zero is in the ten thousands place." I think next time she should write, "It was a lucky guess."

I just don't understand how to explain. My answer would be "Math is my best subject and I just get it." I have a bit of an issue with third grade curriculum anyway. Here's a test: What is a predicate? Do you know the answer? I'm sure most of you do because most of my friends are geniuses, so go and ask a neighbor. Chances are they don't know the answer. You know why? Because who cares what a predicate is unless you are an English major?! And also, why do they waste their time on "mean, median and mode" and the "stem and leaf" method? No one uses that unless you're a statistician. Most of us are familiar with finding "averages" (mean) and have to do that occasionally. But I haven't ever needed to know the mode or median of anything, except to pass a test. Same with the quadratic formula - but that was my choice taking advanced algebra in high school. I got an A in the course but haven't used it since then.

So, why would we be throwing this into the third grade curriculum when our kids are having a hard enough time learning times tables and cursive writing? The predicates, means, modes and medians are all out the door by fourth grade. I've never had to identify a predicate in my adult life. Though I'm sure I've unconsciously used them often, almost every sentence to be exact!

I had to call my BFF to share Mimi's funny answer and her comment was, "She's definitely your daughter, isn't she?"

So, my issue is: when our children are lagging behind other states in education, why are we feeding them useless information? Does anyone agree?

Introducing The First Female President

I just went to someone's Facebook account and one of the ads said that George Bush has an IQ of 125. Ha! I am smarter than our president! No offense, President Bush, your royal highness in whom I have great respect for. Please don't send the men in black! I would like a comment from you though. I think I'll add that in my resume, that I'm smarter than our president. I might win a whole new respect. I'm going to run for office.

Then, it said a friend of mine wanted me to challenge their IQ score of 115. Ha! I laugh at that challenge! Anyone who has played Cranium with me knows I'm the champion! Except the Data Head questions, Jared always knows those. Some of them I have known. It's a good thing he's on my team. In fact I was thinking if I had a pseudo name for him, it might be Data Head. Or the Alien, because he was a "Resident Alien" until he got his citizenship. And he likes Sci-Fi. Or Sweetie Pie Babycakes Honey Muffin. Or "The Link between Ape and Man."

S0 it's made my day that I'm smarter than George and way smarter than my friend who wants to challenge me. I'm going to do the "Smarty Pants Dance."