Friday, December 26, 2008

HAPPY BOXING DAY!!!

Sorry....I got so busy the last couple of days I didn't even wish everyone a Merry Christmas like I planned (except everyone that got cards, form letters and talked to us.)



Ha! Ha! Ha! Merry Christmas!!!



On Christmas Eve, as I was backing out of the driveway, I noticed this strange wicker chair just in the alcove of our front doorway. I thought, What is that chair doing near the front door? So I called from my cell phone and asked the family if they knew anything about it. No one did. "JON AND ANNIE!!!" Nothing like catching us off guard at Christmas time for a nice practical joke. I will be returning the chair after I paint it bright pink. It will go well with the flamingos I left them last year! (Or was that the year I did Memorial Day wreaths?) What kind of nice Christmas d├ęcor can I pick up for 90% off?



We always get together with my step-family for Christmas Eve dinner for Italian food with recipes have been passed down from generation to generation. Most of my friends know I don't do pasta. It's not that I don't like it......it doesn't like me. There was fish and plenty of other food. Jared had to make my traditional "English toffee" this year due to my hand problem.



Christmas day:



Littlest Pet Shop kept Mimi occupied for the rest of the day! The rest of us were like zombies opening our gifts because it was almost 9:00 AM, afterall. We had a fun day that ended with my brother and his family and my mom and stepdad over for dinner. It was a very white Christmas with a blizzard that left the roads snow packed for shopping today!


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Bye Bye Barbie

Adios Legos.

Ali loved Barbies. I described her bedroom once as "Barbie Hell." My Mimi breaks my heart because she doesn't have the same love. She likes "Littlest Pet Shop" stuff. Time to file the Barbie chapter away in my life. It's going to be painful. All the beautiful clothes, shoes and accessories!

Seth loved Legos. We invested a small fortune in Legos. He loved the pirates and the knights and so did I. You may think it would be his father that would be the one to love putting them together, seeing as he's an engineer and all. Nope. It was me who loved reading the instructions and putting all the castles and ships together. I was sad when Seth was too old for the Safari Legos when they came out. I packed up the Legos a long time ago - but we're saving them because I'm sure they will appreciate in value.

Littlest Pet Shop. No clothes, shoes and accessories. Just a tiny dog bowl and fake dog doo doo. Yep. One of the little dogs has a fake feces. Nothing like pretending to clean up puppy poop. They obviously didn't design these things with moms in mind. By the time they're old enough to own toys that tiny - you're sick of poop!

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Big Video In the Sky

When I started this blog it was a creative outlet for me to share my sense of humor and my observations of this crazy life. A few times I got off track and went a little deep. Not that it is unusual for a blonde to have deep thoughts, it happens occasionally. Is it a coincidence that the weather is awful and I feel like spewing a thousand swear words covered in poison? That would be totally out of character for me and probably wouldn't make me feel any better. But I'll share a few more deep thoughts until I go back and read this in a week and ask, "What was I thinking?" and then delete it.

Have you ever done anything so bad, you feel like you may as well be naked in front of a crowd? That nothing short of self-flagellation with a cat-of nine-tails will make you feel better? You probably haven't because most of my friends are really righteous and have no reason to feel that level of guilt.

Have you ever done anything so stupid that while logic was screaming at you, you thought you knew better? And then you were left looking like a fool? Probably not.

So what do you think about the "big video in the sky?" Some people believe everything you ever did in your life will be flashed before your eyes at judgement, good and bad. I don't believe that. In the Doctrine and Covenants 58:42 it says, "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I , the Lord, remember them no more." Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. When you think about all the things that humans have forgiven for, even the worst sin of murder, why would we doubt the Lord would forgive us? Maybe because self-flagellating feels better and we feel we have paid some sort of penance.

I'm hoping my "big video in the sky" will be mostly a comedy mixed with a little drama, suspense, music and maybe offer some inspiration. What do you think about the "big video in the sky?"

My Secret

Some people have noticed I've lost a few pounds. They are asking me what my secret is. I had a motivator to begin with which was I really wanted to get healthy. I hope I have quite a few more years left with this body, so I need to take care of it. So it started with walking and weight training. Then I needed this boost: (Remember - safe and easy to swallow!) You may have to click on the picture to enlarge it.






Monday, December 15, 2008

"My Favorite Ornament" Tag

My friend, Christina, tagged me several days ago and I'm finally getting around to doing it! I really don't have one favorite ornament, but this is one that I bought in England when I was on a mission. It reminds me of very cold times when we wore nylons, leggins and leg warmers to keep warm. This particular ornament I bought at Harrod's. How we ever found our way out of that place, I'll never know! Anyone who's been there knows what I'm talking about!

There are many ornaments that remind me of great times, some I've had since I was a kid, one my best friend when I was 14 gave me, some the kids have made. I used to think all the ornaments should have a theme and look like the ones in the department stores. That is the artist in me, but now I like it however Mimi likes to decorate it! She's the only one who would do any decorating. It's nice still having someone little to keep us in the spirit of Christmas, the magic of Santa and the excitement of traditions.

I will tag my SIL, Diane.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Drum Roll Please.................

Don't pass out. This is the first family photo we've had taken in seven - that's 7 years!!! Since Mimi was one years old. It's my fault, because I really hate getting my picture taken because I always look goofy. So here we are, looking like the perfect little family, no troubles at all, no naughty teenagers, no whining eight year old, no grumpy parents. Brady Bear had to be in the picture, too, she is very much part of our family. I actually have no idea who those children are, they had some models standing by and we left our kids at home. We thought they would look cute with us.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Bi-Polar Express

'Tis the season to go crazy...fa la la la la, la la la la. I've seen it first hand. I was at Mervyns the other day and this little boy, who was about three, had a major mental meltdown. He had had enough and was making a big scene sobbing very loudly. A few people looked at him and smiled - except one little girl who stood there in amazement, like she was watching a freak show. He looked at her and through his sobs he shouts, "GO AWAY....(gasp)....PRETTY DRESSER!"

Then there is Mimi. The night I brought up the Christmas decor from the basement she had an absolute meltdown until I finally said, "We'll leave all this out and you can decorate tomorrow when you're not so tired." "I'M NOT TIRED!!!" she screams as she's crying.

Then yesterday as she was complaining about everything, including the molecules that surrounded her, she finally says in frustration, "AND - I didn't get any cuddles today!" I said, "Yes you did. I gave you some cuddles today." She says in her same frustration, "Yeah, but only about five or six!" I said, "Do you need more?" She puts down her guard and says, "Uh-huh." That was one problem easily solved. I wish they were all that easy.

Up. Down. Up. Down. Happy. Sad. Love. Hate. Laughter. Tears. What happened to September, when the weather was perfect, the kids were back to school and all was well? How many shopping days until Christmas?! ONE!!! I'll be at the mall on Christmas Eve getting everything in one trip! So if you're feeling a little bi-polar, join the club.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Just for Fun!

My gorgeous friend, Janine, wrote a very nice blog about me and my husband. http://jamean.blogspot.com/2008/11/for-krista-jared-and-tommy.html It gave me an idea! I'm going to say some nice things about her and one other person and those people must do the same. Say something nice about the person who tagged you and tag someone else. Here goes:

Janine
I worked with Janine testing kids with English as a second language. She is fun and bubbly and we had soooo much fun together. She is a gorgeous, single mom, but recently engaged. She loves her kids and is such a good mom. She is beautiful and laughs at my jokes, which puts her high on my list. One word for her....PLANT!!! Okay, that's 32 words with fresh lip gloss!

My BFF, Karen
I cannot say enough about Karen. She is an angel here on earth. She is like a sister and we talk almost every day. She waited for quite a few years before her children came to her and the Rocket Scientist. They adopted four mischievious - I mean beautiful children and she has more patience in her little finger than I have in my whole body. I love her and her family and if you don't have her for a friend, I'm sorry. You're missing out. We have a "cheese and wine" relationship. When one of us whines, the other says, "Cheez." Thanks for never running out of cheese!

I wish I could go on and on about everyone, and if you really want me to, let me know and I'll do my next post on you!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Red, White and Blue People

I got a few results from my friends that went to http://www.colorcode.com/ and took the personality profile. My BFF came up with White being her dominant color. It doesn't surprise me because she has the patience of an angel with her four kids. Jared is a Red but he doesn't want to admit it. It doesn't surprise me because they want to be in control and Yellows, don't want to be controlled. Blue was my final color to get and lucky Janine posted hers on her blog.
Yellow was the first I posted because that's what my color came back as. So....what's your motivation? Fun, peace, power or intimacy?

Whites (Motive: Peace)
Whites are motivated by Peace. They seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. To them, feeling good is more important than being good. They are typically quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, whites are the best listeners. They respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

Whites need their "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. Whites want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. Whites are much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for their strength because they don't easily reveal their feelings. Whites are even-tempered, diplomatic, and the voice of reason; but can also be indecisive, unexpressive, and silently stubborn. When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept and support their individuality, and look for non-verbal clues to understand their feelings.

Reds (Motive: Power)
Reds are motivated by Power. They seek productivity and need to look good to others. Simply stated, Reds want their own way. They like to be in the driver's seat and willingly pay the price to be in a leadership role. Reds value whatever gets them ahead in life, whether it be in their careers, school endeavors, or personal life. What Reds value, they get done. They are often workaholics. They will, however, resist doing anything that doesn't interest them.

Reds like to be right. They value approval from others for their intelligence and practical approach to life, and want to be respected for it. Reds are confident, proactive, and visionary; and but can also be arrogant, selfish, and insensitive. When you deal with a RED, be precise, factual, direct, AND show no fear!

Blues (Motive: Intimacy)
Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole and soul focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives. Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
Blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

What Color Are You?

At work, our "Workforce Development Coordinator" Rebecca had us take a test online. It was pretty fun but hard to answer some of the questions. The results are one of four colors to help you know your "personality style". I answered the questions, and expected nothing less than a Pollock painting for results.

"Congratulations, you are a Yellow." I wondered if any of the results come back saying, "That sucks, you are a Red." Rebecca comes into the admin. office and says, "Krista, you have to be a yellow." (I hate being predictable!) "Yep! How'd you guess?" I say. She happens to be married to a yellow. You aren't categorized into a box, but have a mixture of colors, but the dominant one is the one to focus on and work with. Here's what it says:

Yellows (Motive: Fun)
Yellows are motivated by Fun. They are inviting and embrace life as a party that they're hosting. They love playful interaction and can be extremely sociable. They are highly persuasive and seek instant gratification. Yellows need to be adored and praised. While Yellows are carefree, they are sensitive and highly alert to others' agendas to control them. Yellows typically carry within themselves the gift of a good heart.

Yellows need to look good socially, and friendships command a high priority in their lives. Yellows are happy, articulate, engaging of others and crave adventure. Easily distracted, they can never sit still for long. They embrace each day in the "present tense" and choose people who, like themselves, enjoy a curious nature. Yellows are charismatic, spontaneous, and positive; but can also be irresponsible, obnoxious, and forgetful. When you deal with a Yellow, take a positive, upbeat approach and promote light-hearted, creative, and fun interactions.

Last Wednesday, there was a meeting and Rebecca was going to go over the different colors and how to work with your strengths and weaknesses. I just happened to be sick that day. I was really disappointed that I missed the meeting and asked her who else was yellow from our work. Can you believe there were no other yellows? The other secretaries said that's why they hired me, to add some fun to the office. It's a hard job but someone has to do it.

Take this test and let me know some things about your color. Make sure you go to the "basic" profile - it's free. http://www.colorcode.com/

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mourning the Loss of a Friend

Sorry, another deep thinking post. It's not like me, I know, but my funny bone is sprained at the moment. I'm mourning off and on about the loss of a friend. Not to death, but the end of a friendship. I don't lose friends very often and I tend to take it hard when I do.

I heard a speaker talk about friendships and it really changed my perspective. Certain people come into your life at certain times when you need that kind of friend. Sometimes, friends move on or you've outgrown the friendship or had a falling out. Instead of directing bad feelings towards them, be appreciative of the things you've learned from them or what they offered you at the time when you were friends. There is something to learn from everyone.

I want to include the lyrics of a song that I love from the musical "Wicked." I can dedicate this to everyone who has been in and out of my life:

FOR GOOD

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you......

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun, like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part
So much of me is made of what I learned from you, you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine by being my friend....

Like a ship blown from it's mooring by a wind off the sea. Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know there's blame to share and none of it seems to matter anymore.

I do believe I have been changed for the better, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Playin' Tag

Karen tagged me with this Meme of "Four Things." Thanks, Karen. I have some material to post now. Besides the fact that I had a nightmare last night of that scary lady chasing me with her lunatic laugh!

A. Four places I go over and over:
1. Wal-Mart because it is less than two miles away.
2. PARC, because that's where I work!
3. The bathroom in the middle of the night. (JK!)
4. A special place in my mind that I like to revisit! (he! he!)

B. Four people who e-mail me regularly:
1. Karen, my BFF
2. Kari, my other BFF
3. My dad in Oregon
4. My cousin who sends me way too much junk mail.

C. Four of my favourite places to eat:
1. I'm not picky, but don't do pasta.
2. Good Thai restaurants.
3. Bajio's Mexican Grill
4. My calendar says this month: "It's not so much as what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs." W.S. Gilbert

D. Four places you'd rather be:
1. A massage bed.
2. Thailand on vacation.
3. The West Indies on vacation.
4. Anywhere my hands and feet aren't permanently cold at the moment.

E. Four TV shows I could watch over and over:
1. 2. 3. 4. I don't like watching things over and over. Sorry, no answer. Party pooper, I know.

F. Four people I think will respond:
1. Janine
2. Christina
3. Diane J.
4. Dad

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Diggin' the Dancing Queen

Last night Ali and I turned on the Roland digital piano and stuck in some of our midi-discs and sang our little hearts out. It was more fun than pretty. We would add our little "ows" and "Xena calls" and had each other laughing. We would make up our own words to some of the songs just to make each other laugh. One of our favorite discs to sing to is "ABBA." I know. I know. Some people consider that child abuse. Mimi is catching on and loves singing ABBA too. Her friends come over and they have no idea what she is singing.

So.....then we make up funny dance moves and Ali does the "booty shake." Can I just say no one does it like Beyonce? We just do not have the right genes. Her dancing far surpasses my dancing and I could hurt myself with some of the moves she did. I haven't danced since the late 80's. Our purpose in dancing - to make the other person laugh.

It was fun "playing" with my daughter. I always love the one on one time I get with each of them. When I got home from work today Mimi and her friend were outside and she tells me, "We're playing 'Princess and Servant.' Lauren is the princess and I'm the servant." I said, "I want to play, but I want to be the princess." They said no.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Happy Birthday, Seth!

You never forget the day your children are born. Seth was born at 8.6 lbs. I couldn't find any newborn photos of Seth because a lot of our stuff is still packed away. Especially books, since we don't have an allocated library. This is Seth in Australia when he was about nine months old.





This week, he turned 18 years old. That means I had him when I was 11. They say the years go by fast......some went slower than others.



He was about two years old in this picture. This was in our front yard in Oz. We had a mulberry tree just a few feet away from this spot and he used to go out there in bare feet and come in with purple feet, hands and face.




This is his very first day of school at Acacia Ridge Primary School. They had uniforms. One difference between our schools in the US and Oz is they had no cafeteria. They brought a home lunch or bought something from the "tuck shop" and ate on the covered porches on the floor.

They also learned to swim at school. Being about an hour away from the beach, swimming is a popular sport. Once a week they would bring their "togs" and towels.


This is my favorite picture of me with my favorite son. I tell him he's my favorite son a lot. He also tells me I'm his favorite mom.

He has a great sense of humor. One day I was annoyed with him for something and I said the usual line, "Seth! How many times do I have to tell you....?" He answered, "Oh, probably two or three more times."

Once he threw an embarassing fit in front of some ladies at my house because I wanted him to clean his room before he went out. Then he packed his bag and "ran away." I was so furious from the scene that afterwards I put a sign out in our front yard that said, "Boys Room For Rent - must do chores." A few hours later the sign mysteriously disappeared and he came to me and apologized.



This is Seth's senior picture from high school. He never shows his teeth when he smiles in photos. I don't know why, he has very nice teeth and a very nice smile.


Mimi asked Seth if he was excited to be 18 now. Then she quickly added, "You can order stuff now!" Someone watches way too many ads.









This is Seth today. He is still recuperating from shaving his head - yes, down to the skin. I was not very happy about that. Mimi asked him if his head was always cold. Cord (AKA my other from another mother) is in the red.


Happy Birthday, Seth! Thanks for filling my life with laughter and for the free trip to the looney bin. Just kidding....kinda. Your my favorite son ever!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

WHAT'S YOUR THERAPY?

Some people eat. Some people work out. Some people shop. I refer to my outlet as "Vocal Therapy." There is something theraputic about belting out a song or ten. I should be totally embarassed to share this video clip. But you know, I feel everything else is out there, why not share this as well? It's like looking into a mirror and you think you look better than you do - or listening to yourself talk on tape and it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. So I warn you now....do not press play unless you want to see me totally making a fool of myself. Rocket Scientist, I thought I was losing my "nickname" until I saw this video - do not say a word!!! Thanks Jared, for being the camera man, being my fan and giving me a friendly face to look at!

Here's the question of the day - what is your therapy?


Monday, October 13, 2008

Good-bye Lady of Leisure

When Mimi was going from kindergarten to first grade she thought she would be so much more grown up. She said, "Now that I'm going to be bigger, I'll have to be called Amelia instead of Mimi." Then with a tone of melancholy she said, "Good-bye Mimi self." Often we have to say good-bye to certain stages of our lives. Good-bye Dr. Phil. Good-bye Oprah. Good-bye social life. Good-bye Lady of Leisure (for the whole 3 1/2 months I held that title.)

I'm a working woman now. I was meant to have this job. I thought, "If I get a job, great. If I don't I'm going to take a course at DATC." I got a great job with awesome benefits, great hours and wonderful people to work with. I am a secretary/receptionist for PARC which is Pioneer Adult Rehabilitation Center. They train adults with disabilities to work in the workforce. This helps disabled adults to get off of social security or disability pay and also helps them to feel like they are contributing to society. I make about 5 cents per hour more than they do! Just kidding....kinda.

This is a big step out of my comfort zone. I've always felt a little uncomfortable around some disabled adults. I would even go as far as saying I was a little scared of them. After viewing some records, I still have a healthy fear for a reason, but I have become a lot more comfortable with others. This is good for me.

Home life has changed. Duties have become shifted. Meals have become quick. Tonight Mimi prayed to "bless the food that no harm shall fall upon us." Maybe the prayer should be a quick and painless death. Maybe I could choke on a piece of cheesecake and they can write, "She died doing what she loved the most." Okay.....maybe not. That is a topic for a whole new blog. You know I hate it when people say that. Death by cheesecake would be nice, though. There are worse ways to go. If I die by a freak house cleaning accident do not say I died doing what I loved the most. It would be a long, torturous death by all means.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

When Nature Attacks

I was going through a box of very old photos the other day and came across these hilarious pictures. Most of my friends and family know I absolutely hate getting my picture taken. I am the least photogenic person in the world!

This is when a brown Christmas tree was attacking my head. The year - 1983 and I believe it was Spring. I know that because I didn't wear my hair like that the next year of school. Or ever again, for that matter. Except when we had an 80's party and I put my hair in hot rollers and it fell right back into place! It was like muscle memory, Dude!
This next photo I was being attacked twice at the same moment!
First, a big red shirt was attacking my torso! Then a bunch of lorikeets attacked me. One even tried to make a nest on my head! Though I don't think it had to make much of an effort to make a nest, it looks like it was pre-fabricated. Don't you miss banana clips?

Now the only thing in nature that is attacking me is age. It's getting harder to pull off 29.

I showed my teens these pictures and they both said, "You look the same. Just different hair." They were so nice to not say I looked heaps older or bigger! So, friends that have seen me within the last few years, do you think they look like me?

Friday, September 19, 2008

Suicide in Installments

Yep! It is what it is! Sloooow suicide. I've been meeting with Drill Sergeant Annie and she's been great. No pain, no gain. I should have a lot of gain.

She had me doing some new crunches (hate crunches!) and as I lay there on the floor like a limp noodle, ready to spit out blood, she says, "Okay, give me two more sets!"

As I was panting, mustering up all the voice I could, I squeak, "Today?"

She chuckles and says in her authoritative voice, "Yes. Today!" She chuckles again and says, "I've never had anyone ask me that before."

Later on she starts throwing this rubber kick ball up in the air and catching it while demonstrating a squat. She says, "Okay, your turn." She hands me the ball and as my elasticised arms hit the floor I said, "You didn't tell me it was heavy." This is where I expected my buff little friend to say, "It's not!" but she didn't. She was so kind.

Some people do this for fun. Not me. I'm doing it out of necessity. I'm trying to commit suicide and this was the absolute hardest way I could think of doing it. Nice and gradual, not too obvious. At least I will weigh less when I have to be carried in my coffin. I would like to allocate Annie as my poll bearer. I'll only need one. She could just tuck my coffin under her buff little arm and run me down the road and barely break a sweat.

Thanks, Dr. Kevorkian - I mean Annie. See you Wednesday.

Rated Aaaaaargh!

Ahoy there, Mateys! Did you know yesterday was "International Talk Like a Pirate" Day? Shiver me timbers! Just when you thought you heard it all! First, National Underwear Day and now we be havin' to listen to a bunch of scallywags puttin' on terrible, awful accents! That's all I'll say about "Talk Like a Pirate Day" - I'll be sure to mark my calendar for next year! The history of the day is pretty fun if you click on the link. I could invent a few "days" myself.

This wench could shout "aaaaaargh" for me own reasons! (Help! I can't stop talking like a pirate!) Me computer keeps kickin' me off the Internet! That's a good 'ol pirate word, Internet! I could go all sorts of places with that one, but I'll spare you from the torture.

So here's your question: What "day" would you like recognized?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Thank You, I'm Honored

My friend Nicole sent me this award. It is an honor to receive it. I actually like reading her blog and she always gives me a good laugh. And especially makes me glad that I don't have to change diapers anymore!

I will cherish this award. My first. I won't let it go to my head, I promise. This has left me speechless for a change!

Now, I'd like to pass this on to Janine.

Monday, September 15, 2008

It's All about Meme!

My BFF Karen tagged me with this Meme. Since my last post was titled "Duh" and was actually one of the few serious entries I had, I thought I better have something else to meet any curious visitors. You know what they say about the company you keep, so I don't want to embarrass her. Well, I guess it's not too late yet.





1. Where were you 10 years ago?


Ten years ago we had moved into our first house in the USA. I was having fun decorating and getting to know new neighbors, who some have remained on the list of friends to this day. Especially my BFF!


2. What's on your to do list today?


I have accomplished my to do list today. I stayed awake all day! And I also exercised, turned in a job application AND did grocery shopping! I forgot to mention I did six loads of laundry! I think an alien took over my body. I just need a Stepford Wife dress and I'll be good to go!


3. What if you were a Billionaire?


I'd be rich! I would get out of debt, put money in a trust for my kids, buy a vacation home in Australia, travel to Africa and South America so I can say I've been to every continent except Antarctica. No desire to go there - I hate the cold! I would like to be a philanthropist.




4. Name five places you have lived:



This is how I categorize my memories as to which state I lived in at the time.

1. Mississippi - where I spent 1st and 2nd grade. We played in the woods and caught frogs.



2. Florida - 3rd grade where I learned to set a booby trap and thought I would be able to teach frogs how to dance (like on the old Hannah/Barberra cartoons) and they would be famous. Freddy and Freida Frog. Also my friendship with Frankie (who had more Barbies and a much better Barbie wardrobe than I did) started here.



3. Utah - I went to half of 4th until 7th grade and came back for high school. High school was a very memorable time with many life changing experiences that changed my life forever. Most of the experiences were good!



4. London, England - My experiences from high school led me to go to England for humanitarian services. I lived there for 18 months and this was a "Life School" for me. I've never known so many crazy people in my life! I got serenaded on a bus (very embarrassing), propositioned from a guy who thought he was Prince Charming who asked me to try on a feathered high heel he carried around in a paper bag, and had to control my laughter more than ever in my life. Laughter control I should have listed as a bad habit. I also met the man I married there.



5. Brisbane, Australia - I lived there for seven years with my Aussie husband, became a dual citizen and had two Aussie kids. Now we're all dual citizens which I call us Yaussies - half Yank, half Aussie.




5. What are three bad habits you have?





1. Gosh, it's really hard to think of three.....that I can publish anyway. Well, there's this one that's considered a bad habit by some, but I consider it a talent. If you are my good friend, you know what it is!



2. Another bad habit (or talent) is I am totally addicted to Sudoku and word puzzles. Not crosswords, but others (Logic, Places Please, etc.) Sometimes I start them at 11 pm and lose track of time and then notice it's 2 am! Usually, I stop because my hand protests and I pay for it the next day.



3. Sometimes I go into too much detail when I verbally tell a story and put people to sleep. And I wonder where Mimi gets it. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz! I love blogging for that reason. I can get my thoughts together before spitting them out.



4. Sometimes the "D" or "H" word comes out. Please note my disclaimer: They are not swear words in Australia! At least I didn't say them in Sunday School like my husband! Oh, was I only supposed to name three? I guess I got on a roll!


6. What kind of snack do you like?


I LOVE whole natural almonds and occasionally chocolate. I crave protein more than sweets ever since I had the beast within me removed in June.


7. Who will you tag next?

My Dad
Diane
Di
Janine
Christina
Kangaroo Rodeo

Friday, September 12, 2008

Duh!

Today I was looking over Mimi's school work and at the bottom of a math page was this question: What digit is in the ten thousands place in the number six hundred three thousand, twenty-one. Explain how you found your answer. Her explanation: "I looked at the numbers and thought." Her answer was marked wrong by the teacher. But of course, I found it especially funny.

I'm wondering myself what is the correct answer. I know it's zero, but how do you explain it without sounding like an idiot. "Because it's in the ten thousands place?" Then you would be repeating the question. Wouldn't that be silly? Now I'm thinking Mimi's answer wasn't so bad. "I used my brain and I'm just a little smarter than the average bear." "Why do you need an explanation?" "Because in the number 603,021 a zero is in the ten thousands place." I think next time she should write, "It was a lucky guess."

I just don't understand how to explain. My answer would be "Math is my best subject and I just get it." I have a bit of an issue with third grade curriculum anyway. Here's a test: What is a predicate? Do you know the answer? I'm sure most of you do because most of my friends are geniuses, so go and ask a neighbor. Chances are they don't know the answer. You know why? Because who cares what a predicate is unless you are an English major?! And also, why do they waste their time on "mean, median and mode" and the "stem and leaf" method? No one uses that unless you're a statistician. Most of us are familiar with finding "averages" (mean) and have to do that occasionally. But I haven't ever needed to know the mode or median of anything, except to pass a test. Same with the quadratic formula - but that was my choice taking advanced algebra in high school. I got an A in the course but haven't used it since then.

So, why would we be throwing this into the third grade curriculum when our kids are having a hard enough time learning times tables and cursive writing? The predicates, means, modes and medians are all out the door by fourth grade. I've never had to identify a predicate in my adult life. Though I'm sure I've unconsciously used them often, almost every sentence to be exact!

I had to call my BFF to share Mimi's funny answer and her comment was, "She's definitely your daughter, isn't she?"

So, my issue is: when our children are lagging behind other states in education, why are we feeding them useless information? Does anyone agree?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Have You Gained Weight?

Isn't it funny that people ask, "Have you lost weight?" but they never ask, "Have you gained weight?" I wonder what kind of reaction that would bring. Turn the tables and say, "What have you been doing? You look like you've gained weight. Tell me the secret!"

"Is your butt getting bigger? Is that a new chin?" Or the real live question that I have personally been asked about ten years ago, "Are you pregnant?" They don't ask me that now because........maybe I look too old? Or my butt's caught up with my gut and I look more balanced?

There is just so much pressure to be thin! Especially if you used to be thin and you're not anymore. Sometimes I pray before I leave my house, "Please don't let me run into any old boyfriends today." I can just hear them saying, "Wow, she blimped out." Well, hello! It's hard not to get bigger than a size three!!!! That's the bad thing, there's no place to go but out!

What really sucks is when you have a husband that looks like a warped toothpick. I have a saying, "Thou shalt not weigh more than thy husband." What if he had to carry you out in a fire or something?

I guess on a positive note, the fat stretches out the wrinkles a bit, so you look a little younger. What's the use of being skinny if you look like a prune? And if the wind blows, you don't need to carry any rocks in your pockets.

Just A Few More Shots of Oz

I just had to include a few more shots of Brisbane. I didn't have time to do much bloggin' while I was in Oz, so I'll just put a few more pictures in and then I will shut up about it! Ha! Brisbane metro from across the Brissy River. What a lovely city!


A tender moment shared between big brother and little sister. Seth and Mimi are collecting seashells for one of Mimi's many collections.
I guess if you have to do it, you may as well look cute doing it! Ali has been begging us to put up a clothesline ever since this. Right!


Believe it or not, this is a car turned into an aquarium. You can see a little fish in the driver's seat, which in America is the passenger seat. Lucky he has GPS Navigation, because he can't see over the dashboard.

"Who you callin'
bubble-head?"
Ali taking a different
per-spective on sea life.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Up For Air

We've been home for a week and haven't been able to catch up with things. We've been suffering from major jetlag. I don't remember it being so rough, but then I was seven years younger last time we went.


I thought I would add some of my favorite scenes from Oz. This is a picture of Mum and Dad's pawpaw tree. That's their neighbor's house in the background.


I love this picture of Grandpa going down to the chicken coop with the grandkids. They loved feeding the chickens and gathering the eggs. Dad built the steps himself. They looked forward to going every morning and afternoon.





Jacob, Mimi and Nina with Grandpa and the chickens.




Nina, Jacob and Mimi gathering eggs.








Here's JoJo with his son, Jacob.






This is an Aussie dryer. It was an experience Ali did not enjoy. It's really not that bad, unless you have tiny little baby clothes that take forever to hang and take down. Ali didn't like the crunchiness of her jeans. I don't mind a clothesline, but I'm sure my neighbors would protest.




Test your vision! Spot the wallaby! The darn thing wouldn't let us get very close to take it's picture. But we saw him a few times. He's just to the right of the shed, if you didn't spot him.

Our trip was wonderful and the best part was spending time with family. Needless to say, we could have stayed at least another week.

So this is where we stayed for most of our trip, at Mum and Dad's in Samford. It's just outside of Brisbane, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Underwater World at Mooloolaba

We had a great opportunity to stay at our friends beach side vacation condo in Caloundra, which is up the coast. We shopped at the quaint little shops, ate fish and chips, enjoyed the view out the window, enjoyed some time with Adam & Fiona's family and froze our butts off!





We had to include a picture of the Happy Valley on the other side of the world, to compare to our little Happy Valley. This one looks a little more fun, eh?


Wednesday we went to a wonderful
place called Underwater World. It had amazing creatures from the ocean. I think they're amazing but I hate those freaky little monsters and they scare me to bits - and for this reason I stay far away from the deep blue ocean.

This was the entrance to the parking. It was pretty cool. We saw lots of fish, frogs, toads, sharks, stingrays, eels, crustaceans - sounds like a feast to me!

We saw fish like this:






I can't remember what kind of fish it is but he sure was purdee - in a freaky kind of way.











We also saw sea dragons, which are especially freaky. They look almost like a weird floating plant but with a seahorse kind of head.


They look like this weird little creature that is very rare. Can you see his funky little nose on the right bottom? Ew!



Here's another weird looking one.





Evil I'm telling you! Spooky, scary creatures! This is almost as bad as looking at bugs. These sea dragons reminded us of fairies in a way, the way they floated and moved with grace. I could almost think they were pretty - as long as they're behind glass.







Then there was the whole tunnel experience with the moving walkway with about 12 inches of acrylic between us and sharks, and stingrays, and sawfish, and groupers, and other scary beasts from the deep.
They were pretty interesting. Mimi was scared to death to see a shark and had to hold my hand the whole time. She must have grown an affinity towards them during our tunnel ride because she now has a stuffed animal who happens to be a shark. That's what life is about, overcoming fears. I'm still staying out of the ocean.




Here's a few views from the tunnel. Those stingrays have ugly faces.


This would be my offspring standing in the jaws of a shark. So dramatic, I don't know where they get it from.

Which reminds me, we went out for a bite to eat after our busy day. We had chicken.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I said I wouldn't do it and I did!

I was forced to. I didn't want to do it. I had no choice. But it was either stay home or go shopping.....hmmmm....let me think - go shopping! But the only way I could get there is drive. I didn't want to drive at all because driving is a very subconscious thing, you don't have to think about it. You just drive. You can even multi-task while driving. I was afraid I would find myself on the wrong side of the road, getting honked at and getting the forks from some disgruntled Aussie.

I sat on the right side of the car, with the steering wheel on the right side, the indicator at my right hand instead of left. Every time I went to signal I turned the windshield wipers on. Then I had to remember to drive on the left side of the road. Ali was the navigator with directions in her hands. The only time I drove on the wrong side of the road was when I pulled out of the driveway. Then Ali kept telling me I was driving too close to the line on the left side of the road. But we made it! The light at the end of the tunnel. Shopping, glorious shopping.

Have I complained about the prices here? A bottled water costs $2-3. Also soft drinks are about $3.00 and there's no free refills!!! Food is very expensive and eating out - shocking. We went into a McDonald's the other day and they had a McCafe. This is a little counter in McD's that has some decadent desserts on display behind the glass counter and a fancy coffee maker there. And for about $5, you could buy one of these desserts, which serves one. And gas, about $7+ per gallon.

Well, it's about 11:00 pm here and I need to go to bed. Tomorrow I will have more time to post photos, since we can't find the cord tonight. I'm sure it's somewhere amidst the dirty laundry, clean clothes, souvenirs, toiletries, etc. By the way, my hairspray made it safely and so did all the passengers. My do is still do-able and I'm still pretty hot. Love those affirmations that you hope will become a reality!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Here comes trouble!

Here's my 17 year old baby boy, Seth, carrying his two cousins, Wilson (left) and Jacob (right). He just carried them around for awhile and they loved every minute of it. Aren't they all chick magnets? The little dudes are almost four years old and cute to the core. They're like two little cyclones running around!

Sleeping Beauties

Mimi discovered eye shades on the airplane and gave her Qantas eye shades to her cousin Nina. The kids were so exhausted after our family get together they fell right into bed when we got home. It was so funny to find them wearing eye shades, Fiona took their pictures. Too bad they can't stay eight forever. I love how their shades are coordinated with their pajamas. Mimi with her pink and Nina with the black. Brady's eyes are still opened. Someone has to watch for bed bugs.
Sweet dreams little princesses.....
and Brady Bear.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Mellow Yellow

One trait that Jared's family has is that their conversation always ends up turning to the toilet. So amidst the discussion about the half flushes and full flushes and the water rations, someone brought up that there was a commercial that a lady had written who's motto was, "If it's yellow - let it mellow. If it's brown - flush it down." Of course, I found that extra funny since I've been referring to everything being flush worthy or not.

Yesterday (Friday) was Fiona's birthday. We went to a tavern for dinner and met her father and siblings & spouses there. We knew her family from living here before but haven't seen them in 12 years. I can't think of Fiona's dad, Noel (rhymes with Joel), without remembering a time when Seth was about 2 1/2 years old. We went up to Rockhampton where he lived, stopped in for a visit and while we were all around the dinner table Noel walked up the stairs with Seth behind him. Those who have ever had toddlers know when they discover something they go through a phase of announcing it (like asking your favorite color or age.) Seth's new saying was, "I can smell something!" Then he would tell you what it was, like bread or burgers, etc. So as he followed Noel up the stairs he announces, "I can smell something!" Noel turns around and says, "You can? What do you smell Seth?" Seth answers, "A fluff! Pah! A stinky fluff!" We all teased him thinking he could get away with it.

Then there was a time when Seth was two and Fiona had him for the day, just to spend time with him. They stopped by Noel's and Seth had to go to the bathroom. Fiona went in to wipe his bottom and Seth says, "I don't want you to wipe my bum, I want Noel to wipe my bum!" Noel quickly said, "That's alright, Mate, Fiona will do it."

Tomorrow I will have a little more time to post some pictures - it's 11:30 pm and time for me to drop into bed!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Here she is.....Ali in her favorite place! Shopping! This is just one view of the never ending mall in Chermside. Here she is with Katherine (Kat) who looks like a fashion model after two kids. She cheats though, because she's a personal trainer. She teaches classes at local gyms on yoga, pilates and spinning. She explained that spinning is indoor cycling, which I replied, "Oh, I know what the exercises are, I just don't do them." I love the lime green couches in this store and they would look so cute in my house. It's out of the budget, though. I'll have to continue to love my red couches instead.





Here is Ali with Fiona, who looks like a fashion model, even after four kids. We had a great time shopping, having lunch and more shopping. We are still trying to recuperate from jet lag and eating dinner at 4 am our time. My digestive system is rebelling. It's only 8:00 pm and I'm ready to fall into bed. We were all awakened by the rooster early this morning. His days are numbered.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Heavenly Shopping Trip One

Mimi had a dose of farm living today. She got to go with her grandpa (Pa Pa) to the chicken coop and gather four eggs. She loved the chickens almost as much as her hamster. Pa Pa was attacked from behind from the rooster and it attacked him in each leg, causing him to bleed. He chased it around with the metal bucket he had with scraps to feed the chooks (that's Aussie for chicken). We may have fresh chicken before the week ends if that rooster doesn't behave itself. We saw the banana trees with green bananas that won't ripen until we leave, pawpaw trees and lots of bush oranges. Also a bush turkey that would look better with a little gravy. No sign of the wallaby yet.

We had to get a small dose of shopping in, got a couple of souvenirs and a few other goodies after we exchanged our US dollars for Aussie dollars. Of course, our dollar isn't as strong as it was last time we came. Seven years ago we paid .50 cents for every Aussie dollar. Now we paid about .93 cents per dollar. Things are quite expensive here, especially food. Gas works out to just over $7/gallon. Makes us a little grateful for the high prices we have in the USA! It's much cheaper to buy by the gallon than the litre. I also like my weight much better in kilograms than pounds. The gravity is better and I weigh only half of what I did in the US.

From our car we saw a hawk attack a mickey, which is a bird. I've never seen an attack so close as it was right next to the car as we were waiting at a red light. Feathers started flying everywhere and Ali said the bird was naked as it ran under the car next to us. The hawk flew off as soon as traffic started moving again. Mimi was sad for the mickey, of course.

Adam and Fiona and their four kids arrived from Tasmania, which was only a 2 1/2 hour flight to Brissy. We met our new sis-in-law, Katherine and her two kids for the first time. We had a houseful - 19 people. Kat's daughter, Neve (10 yrs old) thought Ali looked like Hannah Montana. She was taken with her cuteness and asked Ali to teach her how to speak with an American accent.

Tomorrow I promise to add pictures - we haven't stopped since we got here! By the way, the mall was AMAZING and Ali kept referring to it as Heaven on Earth. It was three times the size of our local mall. Sigh!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A Week With No Monday

Could it be true? A week with no Monday? What could be more perfect? I'll tell you what could be more perfect.....a week with two Fridays!

We made it! We're here in Oz after a very long flight. I guess it wasn't all I built it up to be. We were all exhausted and it was a very bumpy ride most of the way over the Pacific Ocean. So just when you were drifting off to sleep it felt like someone kicked your seat to wake you up. Most of our flight was during sleeping hours. Mimi asked if we stopped in the middle of the night to get gas in the airplane. She commented that this was the best airplane she's ever been in. "They have food, they give you a blanket, a pillow, it has a big window, a TV, headphones, a light....." But she couldn't believe the bathroom was so tiny and she's never seen such a tiny bathroom. It was even tiny compared to her standards, who usually refers to small things as "Mimi size."

When we got to Jared's parents' house, we were briefed about the water situation. Queensland has been in a drought and has had to resort to drastic measures. Four minute showers, half flush for a number one, full flush for a number two, boys are to go outside to do number one. So I asked if I should save a flush and just pee in the shower. After my shower I apologized, because I thought I would save another flush, but I didn't know it wouldn't go down the drain very easily. I've been making sure my bladder gets its flush worth.

We had a nice day with family, taking in all the old and new sights and sounds. The old Queenslander houses, the trees, the fruit trees and the sounds of the wonderful Australian birds. Ali and Mimi have the prime room where they may catch a glimpse of a wallaby outside their window in the early evening. Well, 18 days left and lots to see and do!


Sunday, August 3, 2008

Farewell Dear Friends

Our bags are packed, We're ready to go,
We're standing here outside our door......
So kiss me and smile for me, Tell me that you'll wait for me -

Just an old John Denver tune from long ago (before my time of course!) We haven't been able to sleep for the last couple of nights from excitement, running errands and hoping we've remembered everything. I've been like a head with my chicken cut off! It's very strange watching yourself run around and not being able to do a thing about it.

But Qantas is calling my name; with movies, meals and maid service. Sigh. Then I have to wake up to reality again.

I will miss you all and it will seem like a blink of an eye when we get back. Sorry we couldn't catch up before we left, but save a date when we come back!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Happy Underwear Day!

Today on our local morning show they said a new Operation Game came out to celebrate National Underwear Day. "Cavity Sam" is sporting a new pair of boxers and has a few new ailments, one being "Phone Finger" and something about a "Blast Zone" which is where gas is passed. It's not called "Blast Zone" but something about toxic gas. That is something I would not try to remove on purpose, because I have two males in the house that are frequently releasing their own toxic gas on a regular basis. In fact my friend was talking about how boys always leave skiddies in their underwear and they never grow out of it. I agree! Which is why I don't do my son's laundry anymore.

Which brings us back to the "unmentionables" that are now broadcast everywhere. I looked up National Underwear Day and I realized we really don't appreciate what we have. They don't have underwear in some countries. They wear loinclothes or gourds (well, the men anyway) and they don't have the choice to wear briefs, boxers or tighty whities!

The beginning of underwear appreciation came when Calvin Klein erected a giant billboard in New York Times Square sporting a muscular man in nothing but briefs. People have been exposing their knickers ever since.

In the last couple of years my son would bring his friends over and each of them would be exposing their boxers at the top of their jeans. I would tease them saying, "I can see your underwear!" or "I see wedgie bait!" or "I see London, I see France, I see Brendon's underpants." Then they would hike up their jeans. I thought I would play a little joke on them and I bought myself a pair of LOUD boxers from Old Navy that had Hawaiian flowers all over them. I put them on under my jeans leaving the top exposed. I walked into my living room, pretending to drop something saying loudly, "Oooops! I dropped something" making sure I had all of their attention and I bent over to pick it up and exposed my new lovely boxers. It was great to see the faces of horrified teenage boys! I think they thought it was gross.

Celebrate National Underwear Day this coming Aug. 5. Treat yourself to a new pair of undies - a thong, boy pants, bikinis, granny panties, boxers or briefs. Show them off to everyone you know - be proud of your panties! Okay, not really. I'm a very modest person who thinks National Underwear Day is a crock. Now...National Bra Day.....that would be uplifting.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Love Bursts

Last night, Mimi came out and sat right next to me so our BOBs (Big Ol' Butts) were touching. She still, at age 8, likes to sit as close as she can, since she's outgrown our laps. I noticed her nose and eyes were red, as if she was crying. I couldn't think of any reason why she would be crying, she didn't get in trouble or anything. She was just in her room cleaning it. I guess sometimes I cry when I have to clean, too.



I said as I touched her nose, "You have a red nose."



She looked at me and said, "That's because I've been crying."



I said, "Why have you been crying?"



"'Cause I was thinking about Lauren and what a good friend she is and how we'll always be best friends and it made me cry." She experienced her first "love burst."



Quite a few years ago, The Link Between Ape and Man - I mean Jared - and I would call each other up and say,"I was just thinking of you and I had this overwhelming burst of love for you." Then we started calling them "love bursts." I'm sure you have felt love bursts for others, too. They start in your toes and wrinkle your nose.....well, maybe for some people. But it's when you think about someone and you find yourself smiling. Then it makes you feel grateful that you have a friend or spouse like them. But it seems really weird to call up your friend and say, "I love you, man." They might think you swing the other way. It's kind of a shame we can't always express ourselves, but I can tell friends I had a love burst for them.



When children love each other as good friends, they hold hands as they run and play. Sometimes they invade other's spaces a little too much until the other child is crying, "Quit hugging me!" They eventually grow out of it. Except maybe Frankie.

So....how 'bout telling your BFF how much they're appreciated next time you have a love burst. Jared and I still call each other or text "love burst!"

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Holey Hairspray!

I've had blogger's block. Only a few more days and we'll be on that Qantas airplane to Oz. Hopefully, there won't be any holes blowing out in the fuselage. I wonder if I should bring my can of hairspray with me or if there's a possibility of it exploding. Now I'm wondering if it is worth risking the lives of hundreds of passengers all in the name of vanity. I think it's a risk I must take. I don't think they have strong enough hairspray to hold my do in place there in Oz. With such a complicated, sophisticated style only a few hairsprays can conquer! I know darn well there will be other passengers with explosive toiletries in their bags!

One thing I love about flying internationally is you get to watch movies, get served food, watch another movie, get served drinks, watch another movie, get served a snack. I really like being served! I could totally get used to having a maid. One day.

We flew Japan Airlines on the way to USA when we immigrated. Well, I didn't immigrate, I was a citizen. Ali was three years old at the time and this cute little Japanese grandpa folded origami animals for her. He didn't speak English and she was still learning the language but it didn't matter. A smile is the same in every language and they were new friends. It helped that she had blonde hair and blue eyes and had the sweetest disposition. They just sat together and smiled at each other. Ali still talked to him and didn't realize he didn't understand a word she said.

The flight attendants took her for a walk around the plane and gave her a children's pack with little toys. If you've never flown JAL their customer service is amazing. Their flight attendants look like Japanese models and were the prettiest I've seen in my career of traveling. Sad for Seth because he had blonde hair and brown eyes and didn't get as much attention. He was "five and a hawf" as he would say with his Aussie accent. Now he's almost 18 and I'm sure he'll get more attention from the flight attendants than Ali this time. He's grown up to be quite a handsome man and looks older than he is, so I'm just going to hold his hand everywhere we go. Okay, that's a bit weird. I'll just keep announcing his age when I introduce him.

Back to the airplane ride, where I will be served my breakfast, lunch and dinner (and did I mention the warm, moist towels they give you to wipe your face in the morning?) and watch movies......sigh. I'm already there. Hairspray and all.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Thanks For Seeing Things My Way

Somehow, I stumbled across this video clip that said, "Sad song." I guess I was feeling emotionally stable that day and wanted to find out how sad it really was. It was kinda nice throughout the whole thing, the song is really beautiful, the actors are beautiful and at the end there was a "shocking" event. I thought, "That is so demented." I couldn't believe my eyes! And I couldn't believe the sappy comments made about the video. Doesn't anyone see how absolutely twisted this is?! When you watch the video, you'll understand my title a little more and see the humor in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhm4USUe3ng

It's not that I'm a cold person by all means, but how do people think up these things? I clicked on the English version and couldn't understand it anymore than the Korean version. Then I watched the version with English subtitles and the words are actually really nice, and like some of the comments said, had nothing to do with the video. Does anyone else think this is demented?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Introducing The First Female President

I just went to someone's Facebook account and one of the ads said that George Bush has an IQ of 125. Ha! I am smarter than our president! No offense, President Bush, your royal highness in whom I have great respect for. Please don't send the men in black! I would like a comment from you though. I think I'll add that in my resume, that I'm smarter than our president. I might win a whole new respect. I'm going to run for office.

Then, it said a friend of mine wanted me to challenge their IQ score of 115. Ha! I laugh at that challenge! Anyone who has played Cranium with me knows I'm the champion! Except the Data Head questions, Jared always knows those. Some of them I have known. It's a good thing he's on my team. In fact I was thinking if I had a pseudo name for him, it might be Data Head. Or the Alien, because he was a "Resident Alien" until he got his citizenship. And he likes Sci-Fi. Or Sweetie Pie Babycakes Honey Muffin. Or "The Link between Ape and Man."

S0 it's made my day that I'm smarter than George and way smarter than my friend who wants to challenge me. I'm going to do the "Smarty Pants Dance."

Friday, July 18, 2008

Pork Chopsh and Appleshaushe

Yesterday I woke up to Mimi wearing a black sleeveless t-shirt with Bobby Jack the monkey's face in rhinestones on the front. She had on jeans that she had folded just below the knee that created one giant cuff that covered most of her thigh. Instead of her flip flops she had tennis shoes with socks. On her head she wore Seth's red T-shirt sleeve that he tore off. She cut the edges so it created little curls on the end. She decided she was going to be a tomboy now that she looked the part.

She told me she likes sports. I told her you don't have to be a tomboy to like sports. "I know, but I'm still a tomboy, " she says. "Is dancing a sport?" I said yes. "I like ballet and hip hop" she announces, while attempting a combination of both. She looked quite"special" and that's the only way I can explain that. If you remember the "Solid Gold" dancers, she danced like that but on steroids.

Then she asked "Is hula hooping a sport?" I said, "Sure." " 'Cause I love hula hooping!" she said. Actually, everything she says ends in an exclamation point. I was wondering what I was going to do with all the pink clothes, accessories, bedding, etc. My baby has gone to the dark side.

This identity crisis reminded me of Peter Brady (Brady Bunch) when he had his identity crisis. He would experiment with different characters and he acted like Humphrey Bogart saying, "Pork chopsh and appleshaushe." I love that episode.

So I had this little talk about being yourself and not changing who you are, cause we love Mimi just like she is. By the end of the day she was our little pink dictator - I mean princess again. Then she was asking about getting a puppy. Her words were pouring out of her like.....Niagra Falls. I said, "Mimi. Quit talking so much." Her reply, "Then I would change who I am!"

Thursday, July 17, 2008

MEMORY GAME

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Will Work for Liposuction

I went to a job fair today. I don't know why they call it a fair. It's not fun. And it's not fair that I don't have a job! Well, it still didn't help me know what I want to be when I grow up. Growing up sucks. But not as much as growing out.

I had my resume scrutinized by a professional at the "fair." I got an "A" on my resume. I just needed to change a couple of things, like the font size for my address, the hot pink paper and get rid of the part where I say I'm 29. The girl said they may think I live a really hard life if I get an interview. Oh.....and she said I should leave out the part where I said I'm a Hispanic African American of Indian descent in a wheelchair and not sure if I'm male or female. But my 127 IQ score sure comes in handy! Especially being as gorgeous as I am and smart, too. I was commended for graduating from high school. That's such a big accomplishment for a blonde! No, really I was commended for graduating and all that other stuff was made up, except being gorgeous. And I don't know why I have to keep trying to prove to people how smart I really am. Maybe I should get a shirt that says "I'm with stupid" so they will know I'm smarter than them. Or "I scored a 127 on a free IQ test that comes with liposuction information."

Job hunting sucks! And why do they call it hunting? Like deer hunting? Like Easter egg hunting? Why couldn't I just be a rich housewife having lunch at the country club with a massage man named Sven? Then the only hunting I would do is "bargain hunting." Armed with plastic, with a mission to conquer and put lots of goodies in my basket.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I thought I would include this picture for historical purposes. This is where my art talents started. I drew this when I was four years old, the same year my brother was born.
(He didn't know I was supposed to be an only child until later.) Just kidding! I mainly put this in because my dad would like a copy of it. I won't include the one I drew of you in the shower though, Dad!
Since this picture I have improved in my art skills and have changed my subject matter completely. Maybe I would make more money at it if I kept nature real - animals going potty, monkeys eating poo, etc. Another job opportunity in answer to my mid-life crisis!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Prosecuters Point at Penny Press for Puzzling Pain

My pulsating pain is proof the promotion of puzzles (particularly "Places Please" puzzles) propogates pain in people's palms. I propose to prosecute Penny Press Publications who profits profoundly from people who are prone to palm pain. Prompt professional proceedings to prioritize this problem prevents prodding for pricey, pragmatic pressings. "Places Please" puzzles possess and pillage plausible people like a plague. Please pray the perpetual pain will perish and my prognosis will improve. I'm a painter in poignant peril, plummetting from my pale pallette. Prescribed Prozac pills doesn't prevent persistant pain and personality problems. Perhaps people pooh-pooh at this preposterous pursuit, but prepare for prolonged pain in your palm.....and pupils - if I don't prevail.

Try reading this with freshly applied lip gloss! Now I will publish post.

Dumbstruck!

I noticed one of the options on the personality test I took (which was very accurate) you could take a free IQ test. I wanted to see where I stood compared to Einstein and my 17 year old.

It starts out asking some intelligent questions, to which I knew most of the answers. Then in the middle of the questions it asks if you're interested in a cruise, winning a free dinner, refinancing your house, etc. A little marketing tactic. Then I finish the test and it says to see your score you must choose from the following options and check the boxes of your interests. So of course, I check that I'm not interested in any of the options. Then it says that I have to check at least one box to continue. Then I realize I'm not very smart at all because I'm desperate to find out my IQ score so I check that I'm interested in winning a $500 credit card, a cruise and plastic surgery.

Finally, after pages and pages of options of interests I get my score. I got a whopping 127. I was very excited to get my score except I didn't know what 127 meant. So I had to look it up on Wikipedia. This is what I found: First answer, are you interested in a second mortgage?

That score, 127, means that I am smarter than the average blonde! The IQ test is based on the bell curve. I hate that system! The highest it went to was 145. Average is 100. I just hope the Lord doesn't grade us on the bell curve system. (Then it would be called Hell curve.)

I was an honor student in high school, when my hair was still it's natural color. (To find out my natural hair color first answer if you are interested in getting a degree in phlebotomy.) After report card time other students would ask each other what their grade point average was. (4.0 being the highest, for my foreign readers.) I would answer 3.8, 4.0.....whatever it was at the time and some would say, "I didn't know you were smart." They were just confused because usually intelligence and beauty didn't go together.

So now, when people discover how smart I am (and they start expecting too much out of me) I know that it's definitely time to get my roots touched up. Except, a lot of them are gray, which is actually another shade of blonde. I not only have blonde moments, but senior moments too. It's much more fun in my world. I can blame my age or hair color for my senility.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

While Hubby's Away.......

Here is the top ten advantages of hubby going on a business trip:

10. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
9. I only have to make half the bed.
8. No one is disappointed when I don't make a gourmet dinner, again.
7. I get the bathroom all to myself. The toilet is cleaner.
6. I can drive either car and use up all his gas instead of mine.
5. I get his undivided attention when he phones.
4. I can sleep in and not feel guilty, because he won't know what time I actually got up.
3. I don't have to have the house spotless (because it is every day!)
2. He doesn't know that I've been shopping. He may not go out of town ever again.
1. There's only one person with flatulence in the house (that would be my son.)

But I do miss him......kinda. Okay, really. Please refer to #1 above.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I SAID, "QUACK!!!"

Last night I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. Everytime I was conscious of my thoughts I had the children's song "Five Little Ducks" going through my head. Then, in one of my momentary lapses of sleep, I dreamed about singing that song with rubber duckies. I actually had twenty ducks and to speed it up I started making two at a time "come waddling back."

So this morning when that song was still going through my head (they call that "brain worms" when you can't get a song out of your head) I analyzed why that song. Probably because those duckies were obedient. When mother duck said, "Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack" they came waddling back.

My version would be: mother duck said, "Quack" and the ducklings ignored her so she threatened their little duck butts and took away duckie privileges. And then she held their little duckie heads under water until they were gasping for air and promised they would get a job, mow the lawn and pick up their underwear off the bathroom floor.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

My PHD

I was talking to my two BFF's yesterday. I was experiencing PHD according to one. That's Post Hysterectomy Depression. She said it was kind of like how you feel after you have a baby. I asked, "I'm depressed because I had kids?" This probably isn't a good week to discuss them. School has been out for three weeks now. Need I say more? Because of them I have another PHD. The chores that are Piled Higher and Deeper.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Something's Bugging Me!

I was sitting on my couch watching TV and noticed this little tiny bug flying around. I swatted at it and it disappeared for awhile. A few minutes later it flew right into my left nostril! I blew my nose several times and never saw it in the tissue. So I went into the bathroom and squirt half a bottle of Simply Saline in my nose. It's little body never floated to the surface! I'M FREAKING OUT HERE!!! Friends who know me know that I have a serious phobia of bugs. I know my friend "and Karen" is really feeling for me.



How can bugs fly around so dizzily and be so accurate when it comes to flying in orafices? Well, now I'm freaked out because there could be a bug in my nose eating my brains. And yes, it would be in there for a very long time! Or worse, what if it is rotting in my sinus cavity as we speak? I can feel it in there! What if it lays eggs and emits a strange odor?



I awoke in the middle of the night a couple of years ago to a buzzing in my ear. I woke my husband and he got a flashlight to look in my ear. I told him not to tell me what it is so I don't freak out and this tiny little bug crawled toward the light. My husband shouts, "OH MY GOSH - THERE IT IS!" and wipes it out of my ear. Of course, I'm petrified yelling, "GET IT OUT!! GET IT OUT!! The Lord knows this is more than I can handle, so why would this happen to me of all people?



So how am I supposed to sleep knowing there is a bug tunneling in my head? "Go to the light, little bug!"