Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Twisted Tale Tuesday

I thought since other people have their days (that I love BTW) I would come up with one. Then when I have Blogger's Block, I can say anything in sarcasm and I'll feel better. If these stories have anything perpendicular to your life or you share the same name it is strictly by coincidence and not intended to display events realistically.


Wuntsa ponna time, there was a beautiful socialite named Rapunzel. She had blue eyes that reflected the stars and long golden hair that swept her waist. She could catch any man's attention....and she did. One demented creep anyway.

He was in love with her in his own mind. His name is Oscar. He didn't really know her, but he thought he loved her. Rapunzel was very wise and didn't give him the time of day because she knew if she did, he would lose interest.

Since she showed no interest, the only way he thought he could have her for himself is if he kidnapped her and put her in a tower. She still played hard to get and she really couldn't get over his name. "How would I ever be able to introduce him to people without feeling awkward?" she asked herself.

The townsfolk caught wind of her entrapment and one brave soul decided he would rescue her. He was not a prince, just a very strong and good-looking guy from town, named Mike. He went to the tower and called to Rapunzel. She stood at the window. "How will I ever get free?"

"We need a rope or something," he said.

"Well, my hair has grown a ton since I've been using Fructis hair fortifying shampoo and conditioner. Like the commercial, it's as strong as a rope," she said as she lowered her hair, "and that's just my armpits." She then lowered the braid from the crown of her head.

Mike climbed and climbed just like in PE when he climbed the rope. When he arrived at the top and saw Rapunzel without makeup he was astonished. He was still trying to get over her name being so weird and all. So he went to the tower door and pulled it open. Tired from all the climbing he asked, "Why didn't you just open the door?"

"I tried desperately to push it open with no avail!" she exclaimed.

"It says here 'PULL', not push!" he scorned. Rapunzel wept. Sometimes it's just hard being a blonde.

There was no wedding, no happily ever after, no prince or princess or open relationship. Just the end. Except Rapunzel hired a lawyer and now all doors in the town have automatic doors. And the author is happy to announce that spell checker has approved everything except "Wuntsa ponna." The end.


Kari said...

Next Rapunzel will suing the maker of the automatic door because she happened to be on the wrong side of the door when it opened and she got a nice goose egg on her head! Kind of gives you something else to look at instead of her armpit hair!!

It all ended happily ever after though! :)

Nancy said...

We used to have a Roald Dahl fairytale book. It was all in rhyme and not very true to the original fairy tales. I still remember the beginning of one

"Jack's mother said, 'We're stony broke!
Go out and find some wealthy bloke
Who'll buy our cow --
just say she's sound
and worth at least a hundred pound.'"

Anywho, needless to say I can hardly wait for more of your own twisted tales!

Karen said...

Ohhhh. I am gonna love this day. I will always look forward to it. So one has to ask, if there was no wedding, was there at least a razor for her pits?

Gil said...

According to Webfoot's Dictionary of the Engrish Ranguage, "Wuntzaponna" is ONE word. (It tuk me 10 minnitz to look it up ... becuz I wuz laffing so hard I cooden see threw the teerz!)

Anonymous said...

Hey Krista!
I usually just stalk blogs, but thought I would let you know I stopped by :) Great read!
Kelley (Essley)

Karen said...

I give Mike major props for climbing to the rescue after seeing the armpit hair. I'm just saying.