1. Start out with a slumber party that you can crash. Preferably a friend's daughter. Arrive at the party with your daughter. She will be slightly embarrassed - the party has started.
2. Suggest a trip to Wal-mart. This could be tricky so I recommend splitting up from the girls, otherwise it will be a competition to see who can embarrass the others more. We moms do have a reputation in public of being mature. And we don't want to get kicked out of the store.
3. Let them load up on sugary treats and energy drinks. You can sneak some from them when they're not looking.
4. While they are talking about friends and boys (or texting other people - I don't get it) you go on the computer and look up hilarious blogs like this one. That will remind you of your own funny story and another and another. By this time one of the girls should fall asleep - which would be my daughter. Where did I go wrong? Now you are embarrassed of the lack of partying skills that obviously skipped a gene.
5. Laugh until you are delirious and then invite a fun friend over. By this time you have three people who are catalysts to each other from one demented thought to another. Time to steal treats.
6. Tell the girls you are going to leave. Then continue absurd conversation that eventually leads to talking about the bathroom and aging. This will cause the girls to retire because they are mortified.
7. At this point you will be in pain from laughing too much. Your cheeks will look slimmer and your abs should feel a slight burn. Try to leave by 3 AM because you know how cranky moms can be when they don't get enough sleep.
Back in the land of the living
6 hours ago