Sunday, February 14, 2010

Dear Freakin' Easter Bunny, I'm Resigning

Dear Freakin' Easter Bunny,

I am done. I am finished with shopping for tooth rotting candy and useless trinkets for cutesy baskets that don't get appreciated anyway. Point in case:

When Mimi was three she came down stairs on Easter Sunday to get ready for church. She sat down at our counter on the bar stool and with her usual morning grumpiness she barely glanced at her Easter basket. But it was there. In front of her. There was a darling little sequin purse in the shape of a cute little bunny. She grabbed the purse and flung it over her shoulder as hard as she could, surprised she didn't fall off the bar stool. "I already gotta purse," she sputtered.
She looked at her basket, still scowling and grabbed the cute little stuffed animal puppy and sent that flying over her shoulder. "I already gotta puppy," she spewed.
Her older siblings looked at her in horror. It was like a bad Disney movie where the spoiled princess doesn't appreciate anything.
When you thought there was nothing else to say she says disgustedly, "Candy, candy, candy! There's too much candy!" It's amazing how a child that looks like a cherub could spew such utterings.
After getting some breakfast into her and she had time to wake up, she put her bunny purse over her shoulder and carried her puppy and a stash of candy to church.
But here's my complaint, Mr. Easter Bunny. I'm tired of shopping for just the right treats to make sure my children have their favorites. I really don't like getting Easter Egg dye on my fingers. My creativity has run out for little trinkets and sometimes money left in plastic Easter Eggs. And for what? A few minutes of gratification and some stupid imaginary rabbit who stops procreating for a night to drop off goodies to good girls and boys to get the credit of my hard labors.
I admit I have enjoyed using your yearly visit as a leveraging point for good behavior. But I'm going to break it to my nine year old, my seventeen year old and my nineteen year old this year there is no such thing as a carrot eating, egg packing, chocolate hoarding rabbit that comes to our house. The only thing rabbits leave are droppings - little chocolate covered raisin looking droppings.
By the way, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus will be receiving similar letters. Because it's not that they are in reality your parents - they are ME! All ME! Dad has nothing to do with it. He is always surprised on Christmas morning, too! And a fat man in a red suit gets the credit!
So I hereby resign as you. "Why?" you ask. Because you just had a birthday and my kids couldn't take the time to make a sentiment for all you do for them. But I will cherish my Santa letters, and tooth fairy letters with tiny little replies because the tooth fairy is so tiny and writes tiny.
It's not that I feel unappreciated, that I work full time now after being a stay at home mom for years so I can provide health insurance for my family. I still try to keep the house clean and bills paid and attempt to open a can or frozen dinner for them. Life has changed. So I'm going to give myself my own *&%@ presents and make myself feel special for one *&%@ day! So when they find out the Easter Bunny is not real - they are on their own. I'm leaving chocolate covered raisins.


Leenie said...

YOU GO GIRL! I boycotted Easter Bunny and his money grabbing marketing ploys. As much as everybody needs a job I hate how the retail world has scammed parents into thinking they need to provide crap for kids on holidays when Someone Else is supposed to be remembered. We had egg hunts and a a few bags of candy, but no fake bunny visits. Guess what, the kids got it and were okay with it.

Karen said...

Oh sweet Krista....I can not believe that not a one of them took the time to appreciate you on your birthday.

I too wonder why I feel the need to buy so much junk for holidays that have nothing to do with junk. I'm not ready for my kids to know the details yet either.

As far as husbands go, I would love if it became a cultural standard that dad's had to be in charge of half of these type holidays.

Gil said...

WHAT?? No sentiment for the Bringer of All Things Joyous and Wonderful on her birthday!!

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child! Away, away!"

Hoosier Daddy?

Momza said...

That totally stinks on ice when the yahoos aren't grateful or thoughtful!
We do have a small scale Easter in our house...Friday night is the "easter bunny"
with the baskets and eggs. Saturday night we prepare for the True Easter. It works for us.
Hang in there!

Nancy said...

My favorite part of this post is that your husband is just as surprised on Christmas. I hope you break the "no santa" to him gently!

ptatjohn said...

We are trying to prepare our kids for a vacation instead of Christmas presents. After looking at the Christmas reciepts we realized we could have gone on a 3 day cruise.

Sharon said...

Love this post! It may surprise you how many of us can relate to what your are expressing. We are going to Disneyland as a family this Christmas!

winter martinez said...

Hell ya! Well said and I agree with it 200%! This should be posted into the newspaper, not facebook!!!!

Kari said...

I totally agree! I'm pretty sick of the whole present buying thing too! Vacations are on the menu from here on out. The kids have more fun on those anyways! And I'm not one to complain when I can get away from home and enjoy some pampering. I'm a happier mom and therefore everybody is happy! :)

Lisa said...

Yeah! What you said again and again and again! I did special Valentine packages for each of my little darlin's and ended up telling then to "SHUT UP! FOR HELL SAKE!" right before we prayed over the food...that I had also prepared. Bless MY heart!

Diane said...

I do holidays so much smaller than most. Hence no burn out when they are ungrateful little turds! Love ya Krista!!

Glamazon said...

For real...this is the funniest story ever. I read it to my hubby, and we were laughing so hard. What a character-and a grump in the morning :) Yeah, you might as well quit, you're not being appreciated anyway :)

Flea said...

I started throwing hissy fits when my birthdays weren't recognized. I'm not the fit throwing type. Then started hinting way in advance. Now I get noticed. Grr.

Fiona said...

Oh, this is exactly how I feel... I told Nina a few years ago, just Wilson to go, however, I suspect he already knows... because unlike you, I have not busted my ass to create magic and fantasy... get a grip kids, you did get me for a mother!! I love how special you have made it for them, you are so thoughtful and I think it is unreal that you have decided to stop!!! love your work. x