Friday, January 30, 2009

Freakin' Friday or Left Alone

Today was my first day out. Since last Wednesday I've been home alone, recuperating, sleeping, Sudoku with my left hand, taking pain killers, sleeping, reading blogs, belting out karaoke, naked yoga, watching Dr. Phil & Oprah, being bored, watching "American Justice," "Forensic Files" and other shows that shake any security I may have felt. I was just kidding about the yoga - but I was naked!!! In the shower.


I've become really good with my left hand but there are still quite a few inconveniences. I can't drive - Dr.'s orders. So I had Ali drive today. I was wishin' I had some pain killers. I swear we were on two wheels going around most corners. When she would stop the car, there was no slowing down beforehand. I think I actually screamed once. Then a car cut Ali off as she was coming to a stop. The driver was laughing and flipped us off. It was really upsetting her and I said, "Don't let it get to you. There's lots of jerks out there." She asked, "You mean people do this all the time?" "Yep." There's another thing for me to worry about, some psycho with road rage injuring my daughter. One thing I miss about being in Australia is "damn" and "hell" aren't swear words. One ride with Ali and I'm going to Hell.


Because it's such an effort to go to the bathroom, I leave it til the last minute. I was slightly short of crying when the only women's restroom of the store was closed and "Out of Order." In desperation I asked my mom to watch the door of the men's restroom so I could use it. I knocked, held my breath and went in. It was surprisingly clean. There was no graffiti on the walls. Shocking. But I figure most men don't shop at Stein Mart. If it were a gas station I'm sure it would be a different story. Cleanliness can be deceiving and I wasn't taking my chances. I was proud that I could hover over the toilet the whole time the flood gates were opened. That may sound like a gross exaggeration but remember, I left it til the last minute. I used an Asian bathroom in Thailand and after I experienced squatting in a stall with no doors (please don't think too hard about that) because none of the stalls have doors, they told me the Western toilets were on the other side. Who knew I would need those skills five years later in the men's room?

I'm getting faster at typing with one hand. I haven't perfected my handwriting but I think I've gone from first grade to second grade in two weeks. It hasn't stopped me from doing about 60 Sudoku puzzles. I'm addicted!

They say geniuses are never bored.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Unfair Media?

Do you think the media is fair when it comes to politics? Do you think they gave equal treatment to our last candidates? If McCain was voted President, do you think the media would be talking about him as they do Obama?



Like this picture of McCain going for the jugular. What was that about?




























The mother of this baby should be insulted. He's looking at her like she is a freak of nature. She probably said, "If you win, don't screw up." Either that or she just broke wind. But did the media make fun of that look on his face? No. If it was McCain they would slaughter him.

But isn't it wonderful that Obama loves babies and the baby girl can say she was held by the chosen one?

"Mr. Obama! Just one question please! Oh no you didn't! You did not just flip me off! Mr. Obama! Shame on you! Come down here and let me teach you some manners! Didn't your mama teach you no manners?!"






If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

He's probably saying, "Dude! Don't take a picture of my worshippers while they are bowing to me! That's disrespectful. Why aren't you on your knees?"







Here's the First Family. The media loves everything they do. The girls in designer dresses, the mom in a department store dress. Sounds like the rest of us moms, always giving to our kids and going without ourselves. They really are a good looking family. But is everything they do wonderful? I ask again, would the media be saying these things about McCain? Not a critical word from the media. Not that the family should be criticized, but everything they do is heroic.



You saw it here first folks! The light actually does shine out of his......asking again. Would the media be praising McCain's every move? But we all know that his followers are those who don't have morals and looking for direction. Just follow the light media reporters! And make sure you are puckered up!




This sums it up. Here is "The Chosen One" in his glory. Notice he has white hands? I don't understand why they refer to him as a black man, when he is half white. Isn't he both? Isn't he our first bi-racial president? Is he ashamed of his white heritage? He doesn't have the history of most black Americans. He didn't have to grow up during segregation or have ancestors that were slaves.

Now here's a hero. He might even know what it's like to be a soldier and how it feels to be at war. And making the best out of a bad situaton he makes hand shadows on the wall. Here he demonstrates a parrot. Always the optimist!

Now here's a hunk o' burnin' love! We girls love a man in a uniform! But the media said this was a not a country for old men.

The American Couple. Is Cindy not stunning? (Don't worry Cori Dawn - you're still hot!) Her wardrobe get's an A+. I wonder where she shops? Probably some place I've never heard of or couldn't afford to buy a pair of socks from.

I knew I liked him for many reasons but this was the icing on the cake! Unfortunately, America didn't "Take A Chance" and "The Winner Takes It All." I'm sure we'll be calling "SOS" soon. "Knowing Me, Knowing You" there's nothing more that we can do.

Did you hear McCain might be a Mormon? One of those rumors that go around. I don't know what would give people that impression. "Which white shirt should I wear?"


Here's Cindy showing off their food storage. They could have taught this country a lot about being prepared for disaster. Let's just keep praying for our country and our President, whether you like him or not.


(I was just kidding about them being Mormon.)



Happy Birthday, Karen!

Karen is one in a million. They say your friends reflect who you are. I think Karen would reflect me on my best day when I've been nice to everyone, no bad thoughts, energetic, patient, loving unconditionally, non-judgemental, inspirational, giving, classy, fun and beautiful. That would be a day when I slept in. It comes natural for her. I'm just plain lucky that someone with those qualities will hang with me.

This is her engagement picture from long ago and I see R.S. stategically erased himself. But thanks for getting this to me.

I remember meeting Karen for the first time. They were building a house in our last neighborhood about 11 years ago. They came to observe their freshly dug "hole." I walked over and introduced myself. You know the saying "People don't always remember what you say but they will always remember how you made them feel." I loved Karen & Rocket Scientist right away. Karen has the best laugh in the world!
I forget that I'm six years older than her. Except I have more aches and pains than her. I'm especially glad that she forgets I'm six years older, but that's probably because I'm really immature. JK! Six years may sound like nothing but to some people it would be a barrier because she is just now entering a stage that I've left. My youngest is a year older than her oldest - but the advantage of that is I have two kids that are old enough to babysit. Some people my age are turning into cranky ladies who don't like hanging out with littlies. I truly love her kids and could eat them right up! I love all the adorable stories she tells me about them and she humored me by listening to mine before she had her kids. And since I don't have as many funnies these days I end up talking about her kids!

My BFF has the strongest but softest shoulders. She not only listens to many people about their trials, but she comforts them with words of inspired wisdom, offers other insight and doesn't judge. She also carries others' problems (which is her only fault) and genuinely cares about people. It's just a dang good thing I NEVER have problems. Well, it's a dang good thing I haven't single-handedly worn her out. I never get tired of Karen and there's very few people I like to just chat with on the phone. I'm always amazed at how fast 90 minutes pass! Between the two of us we never run out of conversation.

She is definitely like a sister to me (but I get to be the boss!) JK! That was just a sisterly kind of thing to say. I think that may be one thing she might like about me - I don't have control issues. I don't need to try to control others (except my kids which are totally out of control - JK - kinda.) She steers clear of those kind of people. She has sisters whose names all begin with a "K" so I would fit right in. There's Kaylene, Kim, Kara and one brother, Mike. I realized the other day my two BFFs have the same initials of K.B.
So as Karen and I always say with our best drunken impersonation, "I love you, man!" I'm very glad to celebrate your birthday. Looking forward to many more!

Monday, January 26, 2009

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY, MATES!!!



And Happy Birthday to Princess Natalie! Now go and throw a shrimp on the barbie! BTW, they don't say that in Oz. A prawn or a burger maybe...


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Surgery Update

Did you know that narcotics cause constipation? Just a bit of trivial knowledge that my Royal B.W. (who is laid off now) told me.

My surgeon Dr. Adams, who is a cute old man from Texas, came in to my room and asked which hand. He then got a sterilized purple marker and drew marks on my hand. Then he asked me if I understood the procedure and asked if I had any questions. I said no. Then he said, "Well I gotta go read the book and learn how to do this." ha! He's the cutest little grandpa-looking guy. He still has a pretty thick accent considering he's been in practise for over 30 years here.

When they wheeled me into the OR (or OT for my friends in Oz) I reminded them I was having liposuction. The surgery went well but it's very painful. I didn't sleep the first night and called the Dr.'s office because the Percocet wasn't working. Now they tell me I can double the dose! But not to take more than 15mg or my heart will stop beating.

My work was so kind and sent me a pretty Azalea plant. My training secretary, Jan, called to check on me and Rebecca told me they missed me. Thanks! I love the gals I work with! I need to find some decent clothes that will fit over my "club." I may have to come to work in my pajamas, which I had to cut the sleeve of.

Sorry this is a boring post, but it's taken me half an hour to type with one hand! I've also had too much pain to blog. Thanks friends and Mom for your calls and visits!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Last Supper

We got together with friends last night and went to dinner at one of our favorite little Chinese places. We always look forward to the fortune cookie. Well, mine was really lame and I was whining about it, so Di gave me the one she was going to give her husband. So I traded. Just so you know, soon, I will receive pleasant news. What is with fortune cookies and horoscopes these days? The economy must be so bad, even the psychics are being frugal with their luck. Last time I had to work for what I wanted.

At dinner the subject of "my predicament" of being left handed came up. I assured them I was becoming quite ambidextrous.

Well, I'm almost off to get my hand surgically modified. I hardly slept last night so I'm looking forward to the anesthesia. I thought about the guy who went to the hospital to have his leg amputated and they cut off the wrong one. I'm thinking about writing "CTR" on my left hand. Though my surgeon is a transplant from the south and he probably doesn't know what that means.

Thank you for all your well wishes! I really, really appreciate it!

Monday, January 19, 2009

More Stinkin' Thinkin' and Handy Info

I've been battling my thoughts once again. Notice the lapse in blogging? But with my surgery coming up on Wednesday I'm trying to keep positive. I really wanted to ask the surgeon something, but I was kind of embarrassed to ask him.
So here's the scenario:

I was in about fifth grade and my family was sitting down for dinner. Remember I grew up with only one brother who is four years younger than me. He's the one that forgot I was supposed to be an only child. But I'm totally over it.

So we were eating fried chicken. Gene and I always got the drumsticks. I was innocently gnawing my way through when a very tragic thing happened. This event changed my childhood and life forever. There was no turning back after the vision I had. As I was eating, the knuckle thingy fell off. The white joint bones were exposed and the other part fell onto the plate. It sickened me. Now, the little sharp toothpick kind of thing always freaked me out, but I tried not to think about it. And once in awhile when a vein was left dangling, I turned my head. But when the knuckle fell off, that was the last straw. I was to never eat a drumstick again. There was way too much unnamed anatomy to deal with to remind me I was eating a dead living creature.


So, as I'm left to think about my hand surgery and knuckles and joints and all, I wonder if our joints look like chicken joints - all white and shiny? If you know the answer will you please tell me. That picture from the link to basal thumb arthroplasty kinda makes me think of drumsticks. Only one more day to think about that thank goodness!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Anxious About Arthroplasty

Well, only a week and a half and I will be having surgery on my right hand. This would be my dominant hand. I'm looking forward to having my hand feel better, but I'm not looking forward to the initial pain of having a bone taken out of my wrist. I've read that this surgery is usually very successful and people have increased strength in their grip. I won't bore you with all the details, but if you're interested you can have a peek at this.

I do need to say I'm much too young for arthritis. I told the Orthopedic Surgeon that it's an old hitch-hiking injury. I actually have a bone spur on my wrist bone. They're going to do "Excisional Arthroplasty" and put a piece of tendon from my forearm in it's place. Ewww! I lied about not sparing you the details.

In preparation for my surgery, I've been practising doing things with my left hand. I'm very afraid! Do you know how hard it is to use your left hand for things? How am I going to put deodorant on my left armpit? I have some visuals, but you wouldn't want me to share them. I don't know how I would get back up off the floor anyway.

Can mascara actually blind you? My hair!!! My physical appearance is at stake! My personal hygiene is going to go to pot.

BUT....

Here's the worst thought.......how am I going to wipe my......oh crap! I mean - I've been trying it out and I may need to hire a royal butt wiper. I know, I should use my friends for that to give them the chance to serve their fellow being - and many have offered mind you. BUT (everyone I know has one) I just couldn't let them. I'm one of those type of people that if I hired a cleaning lady I would have to clean before she got here. The good news is I still have a week and a half to keep practising.

If you're still talking to me after all this information I would appreciate any form of entertainment for the week and a half I will be home. Except for the day I scheduled going to the dentist (I figured if I was going to be on pain killers already - what the heck!) I should have some really fun postings when I'm under the influence. Remember this from my last surgery?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

"Sticks & Stones.....

may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Things only hurt your feelings if you let them, right? It's hard in some situations not to feel hurt, but in reality you've given your consent. Easy to say, hard to live.

Affirmations are thoughts we tell ourselves that are positive. Even if we don't believe them initially, we hope that we'll tell ourselves enough times that we'll eventually prove the statements true. Like: "I am successful." "People like me." "I love food that tastes like cardboard. Cardboard is yummy." "I am soooo good-lookin'." My recent one: "Who needs intestines anyway?"

So what do you do with the junk that creeps into your head? Last week I had a lot of "stinkin' thinkin'" which is what I call thoughts that bring you down. My husband asked me what was wrong one day and I answered that I have a lot of stinkin' thinkin'. He then begged me to share my thoughts. You know that didn't happen. So I forced my thoughts upon him and he reminded me that I was a princess and didn't need to worry about such things. He was my prince and was going to make things all better. That didn't happen either. Those affirmations keep creeping into my thoughts.

Back to stinkin' thinkin' and reality. And chocolate. And anti-depressants. And thumbs while you're in fetal position on the closet floor. Just kidding. I only do one of those mentioned (maybe two). So here's what I think about stinkin' thinkin': Do what you gotta do to get through it because time definitely brings things into perspective. Then you feel really bad because you now have the thought, "I'm a stupid, brainless idiot for thinking that way." My advice (because I have so much insight ;-) is: Surround yourself with positive things. Wear colors you love, listen to music that lifts you up, talk to people who love you and read blogs that make you laugh.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blonde is as Blonde Does

I should have stayed in bed today. I arrived at work and had a meeting first thing. They discussed rotating "late" days until after my surgery. I'm supposed to be the last to leave so I always tease that I need a babysitter for the last half hour our office is open. I always ask, "Who's babysitting me today?" So they kept talking about "Krista's surgery" as if I wasn't there, kinda. "When is Krista's surgery?" "When does she come back after her surgery?" "How long is Krista going to be gone after her surgery?" It sounded kind of weird to me so I announce, "Now, you know you have to call me Kristopher after my surgery, right?" By the way, I'm having surgery on my hand on Jan. 21st.

I discovered later in the day I forgot to put deodorant on. Thank goodness it's the middle of winter!

I kept pushing the on/off button to make the laminator go forward and it wouldn't work. I finally realized that I was pushing the heat button.

When I printed my flyer it came out in four pieces. I didn't know you had to choose the paper size in that program.

My stomach was feeling queasy this morning so I got a Diet Coke and accidentally burped in front of one of my co-workers. I could have rivaled my son.

I thought today was Wednesday until I was informed at about 3:00 that tomorrow is Friday.

Did I mention the deodorant thing?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Monday, January 5, 2009

Spiritually Speaking

You know me as a funny, witty and wise blonde. There is also another side that I haven't shared so much on this blog and have felt the need to share some more serious thoughts on. If you are interested in my spiritual thoughts, visit my other blog at: http://progressinglds.blogspot.com
Otherwise, keep laughing with me here on this site!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Lucky Me!!!

I guess I'll start with the bad luck! I was complimented for my gag reflex when my family doctor stuck four needles in my throat. I was complimented again when the ENT stuck a soap carving hook down my throat. I get to be one of the few and unlucky (second patient in his 9 year career) who have reoccuring tonsil problems after you have your tonsils removed. Okay, so I didn't throw up when they stuck things in my throat, but when the ENT showed me a video - without warning me first - of a tonsillectomy, I really almost lost it. I could feel my stomach contracting and my mouth started watering. I won't describe what I saw, because it may just start me heaving again. He offered to do a minor surgery in his office that day, but lucky I had friends coming for dinner and I couldn't.

Okay - the good luck! I've been surrounded by great friends all this week! Family on Sunday evening, New Year's Eve, my BFF Karen and family for dinner last night, lunch with Princess Na'alie today.....it was nice seeing your royal hiney! Does life get any better? It stirred up memories of having a social life at one time - before I became the full-time working woman. When I was a lady of leisure, going to the country club, eating Bon bons, tennis with Sven, and watching Oprah. Reality check - that never happened! Bon bons are gross anyway.

So Princess Nat and I went out for Thai food. The funny part of that is the appetizers we had, which was Immodium. It was worth it though. Nat, you don't mind me talking about your diarrhea problem do you? Just Kidding! Royalty don't have those kind of problems, we have people for that. We always look forward to the fortune cookie and my fortune said, "You know what you want - get to work to make it materialize." I think I got the wrong fortune. Unless I'm getting that Audi.....and will be working for the rest of my life. Why did it have to say "get to work" and not "magic genie will deliver"?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009!

I had a busy few days between working and preparing for our annual New Year's Party and getting sick again. I went to the Dr. yesterday and will go again tomorrow to an ENT. I was feeling much better by the time our party started. We had loads and loads of decadent food, great fun with friends singing karaoke and playing "Would You Rather...?" This was a new game we hadn't played before and was surprised by a couple of questions. But we laughed and went on until we brought in the new year.

Our last guests (two couples and a friend who's husband is out of town) left at 3:30 AM. Yes, we are all too old for that!!! But as Jared said, "It's only once a year."

Many good things happened for our family in 2008. There were also trials, that were few but tough. I'm sure that is the same with all of you, so I'm wishing you a better, happier 2009! That's all we can hope for is this year to be even better than the last! I hope you receive many blessings and few trials!