Sunday, January 11, 2009

Anxious About Arthroplasty

Well, only a week and a half and I will be having surgery on my right hand. This would be my dominant hand. I'm looking forward to having my hand feel better, but I'm not looking forward to the initial pain of having a bone taken out of my wrist. I've read that this surgery is usually very successful and people have increased strength in their grip. I won't bore you with all the details, but if you're interested you can have a peek at this.

I do need to say I'm much too young for arthritis. I told the Orthopedic Surgeon that it's an old hitch-hiking injury. I actually have a bone spur on my wrist bone. They're going to do "Excisional Arthroplasty" and put a piece of tendon from my forearm in it's place. Ewww! I lied about not sparing you the details.

In preparation for my surgery, I've been practising doing things with my left hand. I'm very afraid! Do you know how hard it is to use your left hand for things? How am I going to put deodorant on my left armpit? I have some visuals, but you wouldn't want me to share them. I don't know how I would get back up off the floor anyway.

Can mascara actually blind you? My hair!!! My physical appearance is at stake! My personal hygiene is going to go to pot.

BUT....

Here's the worst thought.......how am I going to wipe my......oh crap! I mean - I've been trying it out and I may need to hire a royal butt wiper. I know, I should use my friends for that to give them the chance to serve their fellow being - and many have offered mind you. BUT (everyone I know has one) I just couldn't let them. I'm one of those type of people that if I hired a cleaning lady I would have to clean before she got here. The good news is I still have a week and a half to keep practising.

If you're still talking to me after all this information I would appreciate any form of entertainment for the week and a half I will be home. Except for the day I scheduled going to the dentist (I figured if I was going to be on pain killers already - what the heck!) I should have some really fun postings when I'm under the influence. Remember this from my last surgery?

6 comments:

JaMean said...

May as well get it all over with at once...lol.

As for your wiping issue:

I will bring you over this awesome little sprayer you just hook up to the spout on your shower. I use it to wash my dogs, but hey, if the shoe fits....

Nancy said...

Aaahh! I told you I was scared stiff for you to have to have one hand (well, actually reading about your surgery made me more scared for me -- just in case I ever have to have one hand), but now to hear this: your right hand!! That is awful. I'm so so sorry for you! How long before you can use your right? But, the one good bit of news . . . even if you can't take care of your bodily functions, you will find yourself typing blog entries one handed like a champ. I know because I always type one handed lately. I'm sure that eases your troubled mind.

Nicole said...

all i have to say is say goodbye to your dignity!

Kari said...

TMI! TMI! Enough said.

Diane said...

What can we do to help? besides the potty thing.. I'm staying clear of that!!! Let me know

Whacky Wheelers said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. You must have been really bored to think I am that funny. We have lots in common. I rode the school buses to church too! Hope your surgery goes well and that you've been practicing with your left hand. Maybe constipation will set in and you want have to wipe for a long time! Stop by and visit again! Bring some heat with you . . . as we are FREEZING in the midwest!