Monday, January 25, 2010

Deal Breakers - a Meme

SupahMommy posted this meme so here goes:



Five relationship deal breakers (friend, family, in-laws, etc.)



1. Reciprocate. That means if I invite you to my house for dinner, call you to chat or invite you to a Tupperware party and you can't make it - it's your turn. But don't not come to my Tupperware party and expect me to come to yours, 'cause that is so rude. And if I came to your Tupperware party and bought something and booked a party off of yours you are obliged to come to mine and help me get my freakin' free stuff. True friends help you get freakin' free stuff! I do not invest in one-sided friendships. Actually, what I really mean is you need to call me once in awhile and instigate activities.



2. You must not be offended by potty talk. I don't know why but I find gross things funny. Except spit. I don't like someone else's saliva touching me. Not purposely or accidently. If you spit when you talk - the deal is off. Or snot. I don't like that either. My brother had a friend when he was in 3rd grade that had a perma-booger. I've never forgotten him. His name is Bubba Rogers. More like Hubba Bubba cause he always had a lime green bubble in his nostril. But you must be able to talk about it and dry heave together. And you must think anatomy is funny, too. Butts and boobs. Funny stuff.



3. You cannot be offended by burps. If you are, then you won't like me. We all have our talents and once in awhile mine comes up. I have a philosophy: "Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?" FYI, I never have flatulence. Some people think they are one and the same. They are not. One is air expelled from your stomach and the other is from your bowel. They are different and if you think they are not then I want to see you eat lunch with your bottom.



4. You must not be cuter than me. I don't usually find many people who can break this deal. You're safe.



5. You must think I am funny. You can be funnier than me, but you must think I am funny. Laughing with friends is the absolute best. Usually when I laugh, that is your cue to laugh. I know, it's pathetic that I laugh at my own jokes. It's more pathetic when I am the only one laughing at my own jokes. If you don't laugh - that's a deal breaker.



Well, that's it for my deal breakers. I could go on and on, but that's a good start. I don't want to ruin it for any potential friends. I'm really not that high maintenance. It's not like I expect you to remember my birthday (next month) or lavish me with gifts (I like pink & chocolate & hate knick knacks).

6 comments:

Flea said...

This is hilarious! And number three? We are such opposites. I can't belch to save my life, though I'm not offended by it. My 16 year old daughter can belch the alphabet. Makes a momma's heart proud.

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? Yes, yes, we must be virtual twins. Although to be honest, you're prettier. :) I was laughing so hard I was sure I was going to wake up my hubby-hello, I am SO a new follower! You are genius.

Karen said...

Oh girl....you are killin' me. How is it that I have not broken the deal. I am the flakiest friend EVER and the spit thing. At least once a year I get that whole, "I can't coordinate my mouth too make words without spitting."

This is one of the funniest Meme's I have ever read!!!

Robin said...

BURP...

Diane said...

Funny!!

Nancy said...

I loved loved, "when I laugh, that is your cue to laugh."